Thanks to all above. When I met with the team of people who were to care for me, 5 specialist doctors, their primary nurses, dietitian, a 'spiritual consular' (because I put Deist on my 'form'), the head of oncology told me that the treatment they were proposing was the most difficult intervention that is used, surpassing many of the burn therapy treatments. He told me the team would work together so that I could contribute by remaining positive. The pain specialist told me that his job was to ensure that any pain level, no matter how small was to be dealt with, and that I was to get to the clinic any day and priority would be given to solving pain problems.

As this is public healthcare, they concentrated all the resources in one place. Most of the top docs from there teach at the local university subjects related to medical oncology. During the 12 weeks of treatmeI nt I saw 2 docs a week.

I will admit the low point, with 10 days in the hospital, 4 of which I missed because I never really woke up, even when they took me to radiation. I made peace with the eventual outcomes the day I arrived, but one day, with 6 bags hanging from the IV pole, a tube stuck into my guts 2 inches above my belly button for feeding and a catheter in me, I was sure I was at the end. 100 pounds gone, dehydrated and emaciated. Alarms kept ringing, my blood pressure and O2 levels were too low. Then they made a tent and I got O2 and humidity and went into the deepest sleep, I saw glowing lights and heard for the first time what is now my constant companion, a high F, the top one on the piano.

I'm 60 in a few months. I counted on retirement as a 'lark'. A doctor I worked with in my final days at the Fire Department doing Carbon Monoxide testing for a week, was a specialist in Health and Safety in the Workplace and the coroner. On the second day he asked me if I would mind if the got a list of my medications and took my blood pressure and watched me for the rest of the week. At the end of the week he told me that based on my health, weight, blood pressure and work situation, that I would probably not live until 60. I was 53. We had an early retirement package on the table for about 3 months, and after consideration I took it, leaving a job that paid 100k a year and getting 20k less in pension that had I stayed. But the math worked, I could leave without the need to work and I did it.

I was fortunate, as most guys on the Fire Department never rose to my level, I was a Captain or above for the last 15 years, and 2nd from the top in the pay scale for the last 3, which influenced my pension.

My advice to those who are under 50. Go the places you want to go. Do the things you want to do. Retirement is more of a period where you try and keep going, and have enough energy to make the doctors visits. You can no longer dance like you did, stay up late, be crazy and have fun. Fun becomes a morning coffee in a housecoat, often with no ambition at all.

Join a group that is active. Doesn't matter what it is. I know thousands of people as a Shriner. NOT ONE GUY I know from that group, and most are older than me, has had Dementia of any kind. It's the constant activity, going places, parades, and fun. You might get that through Kiwanis or some other club, but I'm convinced that is the key. They made a huge support group. Each of my groups called me every week, and gave an update to the rest. I got hundreds of cards and letters, and I had at least 50 offers of rides to doctors etc.

So I'm back from the dead. Now to deal with my voice and hearing issues. I spent money on a home theatre system yesterday, I was having real issues hearing the TV.

I hope I can figure out next year in a way that I can take some music courses at the University. I should have done that years ago, instead I have the requisite courses for some degree but in that 2/3 are Fire Science and add to that Theology, Philosophy,Early English Lit, Ancient Greek, Poly Sci, Sociology, History, French Lit, and Humanities (The last 5 were at a French University), none of the aforementioned can match my desire to take music. Yet they formed a basis for my desire to push forward.

Thanks to my PG support group, who supported me in their own way.

My Mom who's 83 said, on hearing the news..."I prayed and God healed you."

I asked, "then is should have just not taken those terrible treatments where they burned every inch of me from my nose to my chest, open seeping wounds and all and just let God do it Mom?"

"No she said, you have the treatments and God does the rest."

My answer when she pushed me was.."God gave me a brain, and when they offered the treatment that was the worst thing you can go through, but has a high rate of success, I used that brain and said OK."

I just never felt God going through and picking off cancer cells. LOL...

Now its' one day at a time, and find a way to make each day a great one.

I want to be able to say when asked "how are you doing?"

Me.."not great, no better than that, I'm fantastic!"

So much for that, if anyone needs advice on oncology I know quite a bit now......I wish they could have cured my understanding of duple time....

John Conley
Musica est vita