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#687819 - 12/03/21 09:26 PM [User Showcase] I'll Never Be The Same
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Deej56 Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Hi, all:

Well, I’m not sure I should post this one quite yet . . . but the reality is I don’t know what else to do with it, notwithstanding reservations. So I'm looking for input on what’s lacking and how I can make it pop more. As always, your feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks much!

Deej

Here’s the song:

I'LL NEVER BE THE SAME

Here are the lyrics:

She was more than just a lover
She was all I ever dreamed
She made me feel like Elvis
In a crowd of teenage screams
But she wrapped me round her finger
She played my precious heart
That demon girl rocked my world
Then tore it all apart

She’s moving on
She’s moving on

And I don’t want to talk about the state I’m in
About the man I oughta be, about the man I’ve been
I don’t need your perspective on the worth of change
‘Cause she hit me like a hurricane
And I’ll never be the same

Well I found her down in Memphis
In a bar on Vance and Main
She was hunting the defenseless
Some new boy she could tame
I took her by the hand
Whispered ‘Babe, I want you still’
She told me I should disappear
I’m thinking that I will

I’m getting gone
I’m getting gone

And I don’t want to talk about the state I’m in
About the man I oughta be, about the man I’ve been
I don’t need your perspective on the worth of change
‘Cause she left me in the pouring rain
And I’ll never be the same

Waiting all your life to find the perfect lover
Basking in her light, then one day you discover
She's slipping out of sight and messing with another
And you ain’t got the strength to stop
Her wicked world of pain

Here’s the band:

RealTracks 995: Bass, Electric, Hard Rock LA
RealTracks 3733: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm GrungeRockArp
RealTracks 2758 Guitar, Electric, Rhythm Rock Heavy 8ths Murray
RealTracks 998: Guitar, Electric,Rhythm HardRock LA Crisp
RealTracks 2586: Guitar, Soloist, PunkMurray
RealDrums: Rock Hard Modern


Edited by Deej56 (12/03/21 09:40 PM)

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#687832 - 12/03/21 11:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5369
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5369
Loc: Sacramento, California
I'm not really hearing anything missing in the song.

When you hit the line "I’m getting gone" I figured it was the chorus, until (of course) you got to the chorus. You've got some strong writing here!

I was a bit confused at the second verse with the lyric "Well I found her down in Memphis" because I wasn't sure if it was a flashback until the end of the verse. Something like "Well I tracked her down to Memphis" would clarify it. Not that it's a real problem.

The line "Whispered ‘Babe, I want you still’" isn't quite as needy as perhaps "love" or "need".

The end of the second verse seems a bit weak, with the line "I’m thinking that I will" is one of the few lines in the song that seems chosen more for the rhyme scheme than for the impact. I leads in nicely to the next line, but... I don't have a better solution. Trying to be clever and coming up with something that rhymes with "Silent Hill" is probably not helpful. wink

I've got mixed feelings about "That demon girl rocked my world". It's got a lovely inner rhyme going, and it sets up this lyric really nicely:

"And you ain’t got the strength to stop
Her wicked world of pain"


But that "world of pain" is knowing that you're about to be abandoned for another, so I'd expect something like this:

"And find you're almost believing
The lies that she is sayin'."


Anyway, back to the first verse:

"That demon girl rocked my world
Then tore it all apart"


I'm trying to figure out some way of keeping the ideas of the first verse going without being overly redundant. Perhaps:

But I never saw it coming
When she tore that world apart


That's all I've got. I think it's a strong song. Other than suggesting some minor (and not really necessary) tweak, I've got nothing.

Unless you weren't talking about the lyrics, in which case... I've got nothing at all. laugh
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#687838 - 12/03/21 11:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Deej56 Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
David,

Actually, I was feeling pretty good about the lyrics until you "rocked my world then tore It all apart,", LOL!!! Kidding aside, all your comments are substantive and meaningful, and greatly appreciated. As it so happens, on "Babe I want you still," the original idea was to go with "I love you still". But I made the change to "want" only because I don't think the singer really loves her--more of an infatuation and obsession than love--hence the change. "Need" is an interesting option I didn't consider, and might be more in keeping with his mindset . . . but it doesn't sing as well. Food for thought regardless.

I went back and forth between "found," "followed," and "tracked" in that "found her down in Memphis" line. Ultimately went with what sounded better, notwithstanding best meaning.

Interesting your reaction to "I'm thinking that I will" . . . perhaps because "She told me I should disappear, I'm thinking that I will" was one of the earlier lines to the draft (as I was mumbling potential lyrics to my poor guitar strumming). To me, it signals a resignation on the part of the singer, which leads into the mini-bridge that follows and then chorus . . . or not, LOL! It was the intent anyway.

Really appreciate the thoughtful comments, David. Thanks much!!!

Deej

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#687916 - 12/04/21 06:03 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 2245
Loc: Dallas, PA, USA
BabuMusic Offline
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Registered: 05/27/19
Posts: 2245
Loc: Dallas, PA, USA
Your songs are always such a treat, Deej. Love this. Man, Excellent lyrics. EX.: "She made me feel like Elvis In a crowd of teenage screams." Right away we all want to meet her. And just as quickly the dream is dashed. She's just another one of those. Excellent production and your voice... well, you know how I love it. Excellent use of BiaB.
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using Band in a Box, Reaper, Cakewalk, Ozone 10

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#687928 - 12/04/21 07:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: BabuMusic]
Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 1911
justanoldmuso Offline
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Registered: 01/07/20
Posts: 1911
really liked the song hooky start.
liked the character vocals/vocal reinforcement.
liked the emotion in the vocs.
like the way the song builds on the outtro...superb fade.
v good song.
merry xmas.
om
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#687953 - 12/04/21 09:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 2050
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
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Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 2050
Loc: Maryland
Excellent as is, but I immediately heard an edgier guitar in the beginning, something like The Black Keys' Lonely Boy. There are some new alt-rock guitars in the 2022 version of BIAB by Mike Durham that might work. Not mandatory, as I said, it's great as it is. That bridge is terrific, if I ever get stuck writing a bridge I know who to ask for help.

LOL,l Was fine with the lyrics and I am picky about words. However, I have heard so many commercial hits that didn't make sense to me, so that's the bar I work from.
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#687966 - 12/04/21 10:18 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Deej56 Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/23/18
Posts: 1432
Loc: Mill Valley, California USA
Marty, om, and Tunemonger:

Thanks for the listens and kind feedback. It's very much appreciated.

TuneMonger: Actually, "edgy" was what I was going for--and went in looking for something a bit angrier. I think I auditioned every electric guitar I could for this one, and this seemed to be the best combination. And while I'm happy enough with how it's come out so far, I still feel like it's lacking something on the production side to put it over the top--as you say, something "edgier". I'm just out of ideas for now, but maybe they'll come with a bit of time and space, and, of course, all the great BIAB feedback.

Stay safe, stay well all!

Deej


Edited by Deej56 (12/04/21 10:19 AM)

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#687992 - 12/04/21 12:57 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 18113
Loc: Hamlin NY
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 18113
Loc: Hamlin NY
Deej, I wouldn't change a thing! Everything sounds great to me.

Loved it.
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That's your own asphalt!

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#687994 - 12/04/21 12:59 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 10523
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 10523
Loc: Florida
Deej,

I like this - a lot! It has a great indie-pop-rock sound - both the write and the production.

I don't know that it needs to be any "edgier". But...

The drums could use a bit more "pop" - they are "somewhat tame" for the song.

I thought it could use more/bigger harmonies when they occur. They are mixed as "background" - edgy-indie-pop-rock song typically have more of a the-whole-band-singing-at-the-same-level kinds of harmonies.

You could add a guitar amp plugin of some kind (in your DAW) to modify the sound of the guitar track (for more "edge").
Something else to try... if you add 2 copies of an RT (like the rhythm guitar to the BIAB file it will play slightly different things in the 2nd copy/track. Pan those pretty hard. That might give you the edge you are looking for. (You could process one of those with guitar amp/effects for a slightly different sound).

A B3 track (with a little distortion) can give you a bit of edge, too...

But. I like it as is. Your vocals on this are Excellent. You've really upped your game in that area - pro-level recording/processing.

fj

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#688008 - 12/04/21 01:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 03/10/12
Posts: 165
Loc: Sweden
Alexander Paul Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 03/10/12
Posts: 165
Loc: Sweden
Good arrangement and catchy melody! Really liked the lyrics as well. Some parts made me think about one of my own songs, Evelyn.
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#688185 - 12/05/21 07:33 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 02/03/16
Posts: 1660
Loc: Germany
Crossroads Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/03/16
Posts: 1660
Loc: Germany
Hi deej,

I'm with Mario: I wouldn't change a thing.

I mean, one can always imagine something he would have done differently, but even if I do, I am convinced the authors had their reasons. If they're uncertain about what they're posting they can and will ask for suggestions, I think.

As a non-native English speaker I wouldn't dare commenting on lyrics negatively anyway, but when I read these I simply liked them.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I hear a lot of the sixties in that song. I always like your voice and the way you use it.

So, even though things aren't especially going the right direction for the guy (you) the song is anything but depressing.

It's more: Yep, that's the way it went then. Far too often. But what the heck, that was 50 years ago cool

I liked it a lot, and so did my feet.

Take care,


Stefan

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#688241 - 12/05/21 09:17 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 1749
Loc: Illinois
CaptainMoto Offline
Expert

Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 1749
Loc: Illinois
I'm trying very hard to imagine something to add...........I can't

I might try subtracting.

It's high energy from start to end, a brief break might give it some breathing room.

well done.

moto


Edited by CaptainMoto (12/05/21 09:19 AM)
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#688344 - 12/05/21 03:22 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 02/22/16
Posts: 1125
Loc: Illinois, USA
firesong Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/22/16
Posts: 1125
Loc: Illinois, USA
Everything about this is nice...real tracks fit the song perfectly...very clean and precise mix...your vocals are always great...enjoyed completely...I wouldn't add any more IMO...great listen.
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#688363 - 12/05/21 04:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 8490
Guitarhacker Offline
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Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 8490
This is brilliant. I had to go look and see what tracks are in it.
Extremely well done. I love the lyrical flow and the glass shattering brittle guitars. It all works well.

I got a definite British Indy vibe from this.
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#688376 - 12/05/21 05:38 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 1121
Loc: Christchurch, New Zealand
NigelSpiers Online   content
Expert

Registered: 08/12/04
Posts: 1121
Loc: Christchurch, New Zealand
Hi Deej,

Yes I agree with the others - all sounds good to me - good vocals, song, chorus and outro.

The only suggestions I have are:
1. Some more and more substantial drum fills especially leading to the choruses and in the outro.
2. Remove some instrument tracks after the lead break/s to give it a touch more light and shade and then bring them back after say 4-8 bars.

I only make these suggestions because I like the song.

Well done.

Best Regards
Nigel


Edited by NigelSpiers (12/05/21 05:40 PM)
_________________________
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Christchurch, New Zealand
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#688979 - 12/07/21 08:35 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 4899
Loc: Cooran Queensland Australia
rayc Offline
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Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 4899
Loc: Cooran Queensland Australia
Deej this is strong melody & lyric writing.
My only suggestion would be to audition a strong POWER POP style and, barring that, reconsider the solo guitars...the tone's a bit brittle.
COOL SONG ace vocal.
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"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe

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#689035 - 12/08/21 03:18 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 10/21/21
Posts: 910
Loc: Versmold - GERMANY
PROJECT M Offline
Expert

Registered: 10/21/21
Posts: 910
Loc: Versmold - GERMANY
Hi Deej
This is once again an absolute TOP song
What should one say there still big
The song can be played anywhere on the radio and people will love it
Class made Deej
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

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#689056 - 12/08/21 04:08 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 01/01/17
Posts: 669
Loc: Queensland, Australia
mkg50 (Mike G) Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 01/01/17
Posts: 669
Loc: Queensland, Australia
Nice writing Deej.
There's nothing that needs changing here. Vocals,lyrics, band - all good.
Cheers,
Mike
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#689186 - 12/08/21 09:24 AM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6922
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 6922
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Cool tune Deej. I got a bit of a Byrds vibe when the song started. Loved this song. Reminded me of the songs of the late 60's and early 70's. Well done..

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#689255 - 12/08/21 01:07 PM [User Showcase] Re: I'll Never Be The Same [Re: Deej56]
Registered: 05/05/18
Posts: 1574
Loc: United Kingdom
musician17 Online   content
Expert

Registered: 05/05/18
Posts: 1574
Loc: United Kingdom
Listened to this several times over the past few days, never quite got time to comment.

N.B.: Versatility. You are so versatile and always come up with something different. A joy to hear.

Love the edge in this song. Superb backtrack choice, superb writing, great singing as usual. And the lyrics - bravo. Vocal harmonies, spot on, too ... you've really done the work on this one, haven't you? Superb result, howsoever you achieved it.

You have that extra something, and always translate it into your songs. Impressed, to say the least, once more - genuinely: well done.
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