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Every Word EDIT: just added an acoustic version: Every Word (acoustic) ALL feedback very gratefully received. THE LYRICS: I wish I could just say How grateful I am you came my way; So I will write a song, instead, To show you how much I'm glad. I bless each moment you have Spent with me, so much, And I thank the Lord for letting me feel Your sight, your voice, your touch. For every word is a prayer,
Alike a breath of fresh air,
When I am with you
With every moment we share,
I see how strongly you care,
I'm so happy you love me too.When the night draws in And the world will stop to spin, I will call to mind the time we spent together, When our lives are up, I will gladly take that cup, And fly with you into the aether. For every word is a prayer,
Alike a breath of fresh air,
When I am with you
With every moment we share,
I see how strongly you care,
I am so happy you love me too.I will always love you. THE BAND: Soloist: Eleanor Forte (of Synth V Pro) Concert Choir and Flute: MIDI sounds from Mixcraft Pro Studio 10 ****** Song Summary ************* Title: Every Breath - 25 January 2025 File:Every Breath - 25 January 2025.SGU Key=A , Tempo 60, Length (m:s)=5:20 No intro. 76 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 76. Repeat x1 chorus No Melody No Soloist track. Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0, Style is _ENLIVEN.STY (Enliven Piano Songwriter Ballad) RealTracks in style: ~2482:Bass, Acoustic, Bowed Held Ev 085 RealTracks in style: 4901:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm SongwriterPopSlow8thsJohn Ev 60 RealTracks in style: 1842:Synth Pad, PopModernGrooveA-B Ev16 075 RealDrums in style:AmericanaRoots16th^01-a:Toms , b:Snare ******************* Mixed and Mastered in Mixcraft Pro Studio 10
Last edited by musician17; 02/02/25 01:17 PM.
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Hi James.
A good sound and song, well mixed.
The vocal is nicely soft but very rigid in the phrasing and needs smoothing out so it's less like a march in strict time.
Good start but vocal needs a little work.
Vic
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Journeyman
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Hey James,
It's a beautiful sentiment and melancholy production - which, I assume you were going for. You asked for feedback so I'll offer a couple of opinions - but keep in mind - this is only my opinion so take it with a grain of salt.
Lyrically, I feel it could be more conversational. For instance, I am not sure I would say 'To show you how much I'm glad' the same way as if I was talking to someone:
I wish I could just say
How grateful I am you came my way;
So I will write a song, instead,
To show you how much I'm glad.
Also, I write mostly in the country and bluegrass genres (but dabble in many other genres too) and personally try and keep the listener wanting more - meaning, my song lengths are typcially (but not always) 3:30 m:s or less.
Again, I love the sentiment and feel of your song but wanted to highlight a couple of items (from my perspective) that you might want to revisit.
Na zdrowie and keep on writing!
Dewey
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James,
You write some very beautiful music. I like the feeling and sentiment of this song.
Great mix as well. I always enjoy your work.
Bob
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Thanks Vic. I've added an acoustic version, editing the voice track. I hope that that works a little better? Thanks so much for your kind and honest feedback, really appreciated!
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Expert
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I listened to both versions and prefer the acoustic. I think it's a song which has great potential, but it really needs a live solo vocalist to put the feeling into it.
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#13: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#58: Bring consciousness to it.
#63: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#92: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
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James,
I love your use of Eleanor . . . what a perfect voice to accompany this. I really like your chorus . . . nice catchy feel to it, and well written. I think the acoustic version of the song is the better of the two, as it's cleaner and more fitting to the song. I do think there are a few lines that are still a bit staccato . . . but it's a small, subjective nit. Like the transition from the last verse into the last chorus, which the introduction of BGVs. Nice touch!
Deej
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Hi James,
I listened only to the acoustic version as my time here is so limited. I loved it!
Your instrumental backings are always so good. Your chord patterns are nice, and the execution od everything is quite good. I always enjoy your music.
very nice, indeed!
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*32GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Wow! BUt not just Wow, but whatever the superlative of Wow is. Such a good song, and the vocal comes as they say in your face. Good in this case it means ears. Those classic Delsono changes that give the melody so much breath are your very creative trademark, James. Well played. Again how you build the song is so... well, uplifting.
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Dewey, thanks  I always appreciate honest feedback - I don't always follow it, haha ... but I do listen to it, and take it into consideration. I agree with you about the "glad" line, but I've tried hard to find an alternative, and I can't yet find one  . Also, I know the song is long, but what could I cut out of it? No idea. Still ... taken on board, and will see what I can do! Thanks so much for listening, and for taking the time to give me such honest and considerate feedback!!!
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Bob: ever so kind. Thank you. So glad you liked the song.
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WaoBand: wish I had a live vocalist on tap . But thanks for taking the time to listen, and for your comments!
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Deej: so grateful. Thank you for your ever so nice and kind comments! Yep ... still a little work to do on those pesky staccati , but, otherwise, I think I may leave this "as is", for now at least. Thanks for your kind support!
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Eleanor sounds lovely. I think she about to become self-aware. You composed an enchanting melody that Eleanor is the perfect fit for. I listened to the acoustic version, and I liked what I heard!
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Alan, you're always so kind. Thank you so much, so happy you enjoyed my song! My very best to you.
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Thank you, Marty! So kind!!!
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Thanks, Ezekiel's Storm. I must be honest: using Eleanor here wasn't an idea I first came up with. But ... it ended up with her singing the melody track, so all's well that ends well, right? Anyway, so happy you liked her rendition of the song! And yes, she does sound remarkably life-like, no? Hmmm ... strange world, right?
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James,
A beautiful song.
I appreciate that you used one of the new pianos.
Nice mix.
fj
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Hi, James. A very pretty song. I agree with others that it's too staccato in places, and a bit stilted in places. OK, since you asked for ALL I'm going to be ruthlessly honest here: except for the chorus, the words seem to be set haphazardly. If there's a rhyme of reason to it, I'm not seeing it. It's cool, but using a synthetic voice emphasizes the effect, and I'm left wondering if you're just trying to set up strong contrast between the verse and chorus, or... I'm not sure. I'll admit, the line "I wish..." is actually really effective being held out. But the rest of it? Some words are short, some are long, and none of it is sounds much like actual speech. I sort of wonder what your intent on the poor, lazy listener like me is. I feel a bit like I've wandered into an avant-garde composition. Which you can do, because it's your song and I know you've got real composition credentials, unlike some of us.  And then it gets to the chorus, where you go into a regular pattern, as if to say: See! I can do that old boring rhyme pattern when I want to.You mentioned you didn't know what to cut from the lyrics, but you've got an instrumental section. Those are the first things you can drop. (Unless you're a lead guitarist, because then it's the whole point of the song). There are some suspect lyrics, like: And the world will stop to spin"the world will stop to spin" is a contradiction. Then again, the world would be a poorer place if everything had to be strictly literal. The following line: When our lives are up/I will gladly take that cupsounds like it exists just to complete the rhyme. And that phrase is much too low for the vocalist. Ironically, the line "And fly with you into the aether." would normally be written as an upward melody to create a parallel with the lyric. But no, you've got to be a rebel! This isn't an intent to tell you what you should or shouldn't have done - just some thoughts as I listened. Anyway, I enjoyed the song, and hope you don't take any of this feedback too seriously.
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Hi James. I enjoyed what you have done. Eleanor was a perfect fit for your lyrics and you've done a great job getting her to sound so realistic. I also love the band you've put together. The mix was excellent. The singer/songwriter piano is outstanding and fits the mood so very, very well. Kudos to you --Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2024
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