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#841314 02/01/25 08:57 AM
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Every Word

EDIT: just added an acoustic version: Every Word (acoustic)

ALL feedback very gratefully received.


THE LYRICS:

I wish I could just say
How grateful I am you came my way;
So I will write a song, instead,
To show you how much I'm glad.

I bless each moment you have
Spent with me, so much,
And I thank the Lord for letting me feel
Your sight, your voice, your touch.

For every word is a prayer,
Alike a breath of fresh air,
When I am with you

With every moment we share,
I see how strongly you care,
I'm so happy you love me too.


When the night draws in
And the world will stop to spin,
I will call to mind the time we spent together,

When our lives are up,
I will gladly take that cup,
And fly with you into the aether.

For every word is a prayer,
Alike a breath of fresh air,
When I am with you

With every moment we share,
I see how strongly you care,
I am so happy you love me too.


I will always love you.


THE BAND:

Soloist: Eleanor Forte (of Synth V Pro)
Concert Choir and Flute: MIDI sounds from Mixcraft Pro Studio 10

****** Song Summary *************
Title: Every Breath - 25 January 2025
File:Every Breath - 25 January 2025.SGU
Key=A , Tempo 60, Length (m:s)=5:20
No intro. 76 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 76. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
No Soloist track.
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Style is _ENLIVEN.STY (Enliven Piano Songwriter Ballad)

RealTracks in style: ~2482:Bass, Acoustic, Bowed Held Ev 085
RealTracks in style: 4901:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm SongwriterPopSlow8thsJohn Ev 60
RealTracks in style: 1842:Synth Pad, PopModernGrooveA-B Ev16 075
RealDrums in style:AmericanaRoots16th^01-a:Toms , b:Snare

*******************

Mixed and Mastered in Mixcraft Pro Studio 10

Last edited by musician17; 02/02/25 01:17 PM.
musician17 #841322 02/01/25 09:54 AM
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Hi James.
A good sound and song, well mixed.
The vocal is nicely soft but very rigid in the phrasing and needs smoothing out so it's less like a march in strict time.

Good start but vocal needs a little work.

Vic

musician17 #841340 02/01/25 01:02 PM
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Hey James,

It's a beautiful sentiment and melancholy production - which, I assume you were going for. You asked for feedback so I'll offer a couple of opinions - but keep in mind - this is only my opinion so take it with a grain of salt.

Lyrically, I feel it could be more conversational. For instance, I am not sure I would say 'To show you how much I'm glad' the same way as if I was talking to someone:

I wish I could just say
How grateful I am you came my way;
So I will write a song, instead,
To show you how much I'm glad.

Also, I write mostly in the country and bluegrass genres (but dabble in many other genres too) and personally try and keep the listener wanting more - meaning, my song lengths are typcially (but not always) 3:30 m:s or less.

Again, I love the sentiment and feel of your song but wanted to highlight a couple of items (from my perspective) that you might want to revisit.

Na zdrowie and keep on writing!

Dewey

musician17 #841341 02/01/25 01:31 PM
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James,

You write some very beautiful music. I like the feeling and sentiment of this song.

Great mix as well. I always enjoy your work.

Bob

vicarn #841439 02/02/25 01:25 PM
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Thanks Vic. I've added an acoustic version, editing the voice track. I hope that that works a little better? Thanks so much for your kind and honest feedback, really appreciated!

musician17 #841473 02/02/25 05:40 PM
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I listened to both versions and prefer the acoustic. I think it's a song which has great potential, but it really needs a live solo vocalist to put the feeling into it.


Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#13: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#58: Bring consciousness to it.
#63: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#92: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
musician17 #841493 02/02/25 07:51 PM
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James,

I love your use of Eleanor . . . what a perfect voice to accompany this. I really like your chorus . . . nice catchy feel to it, and well written. I think the acoustic version of the song is the better of the two, as it's cleaner and more fitting to the song. I do think there are a few lines that are still a bit staccato . . . but it's a small, subjective nit. Like the transition from the last verse into the last chorus, which the introduction of BGVs. Nice touch!

Deej

musician17 #841511 02/02/25 09:19 PM
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Hi James,

I listened only to the acoustic version as my time here is so limited. I loved it!

Your instrumental backings are always so good. Your chord patterns are nice, and the execution od everything is quite good. I always enjoy your music.

very nice, indeed!

Alan


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musician17 #841562 02/03/25 12:12 PM
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Wow! BUt not just Wow, but whatever the superlative of Wow is. Such a good song, and the vocal comes as they say in your face. Good in this case it means ears. Those classic Delsono changes that give the melody so much breath are your very creative trademark, James. Well played. Again how you build the song is so... well, uplifting.


Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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Dewey_MI #841578 02/03/25 02:35 PM
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Dewey, thanks smile I always appreciate honest feedback - I don't always follow it, haha ... but I do listen to it, and take it into consideration.

I agree with you about the "glad" line, but I've tried hard to find an alternative, and I can't yet find one frown . Also, I know the song is long, but what could I cut out of it? No idea. Still ... taken on board, and will see what I can do! smile

Thanks so much for listening, and for taking the time to give me such honest and considerate feedback!!!

rsdean #841579 02/03/25 02:36 PM
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Bob: ever so kind. Thank you. So glad you liked the song.

WaoBand #841581 02/03/25 02:37 PM
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WaoBand: wish I had a live vocalist on tap smile . But thanks for taking the time to listen, and for your comments! smile

Deej56 #841582 02/03/25 02:39 PM
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Deej: so grateful. Thank you for your ever so nice and kind comments! Yep ... still a little work to do on those pesky staccati smile , but, otherwise, I think I may leave this "as is", for now at least. Thanks for your kind support!

musician17 #841609 02/03/25 06:01 PM
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Eleanor sounds lovely. I think she about to become self-aware. You composed an enchanting melody that Eleanor is the perfect fit for. I listened to the acoustic version, and I liked what I heard!

Al-David #841690 02/04/25 05:54 AM
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Alan, you're always so kind. Thank you so much, so happy you enjoyed my song! My very best to you.

BabuMusic #841691 02/04/25 05:54 AM
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Thank you, Marty! So kind!!!

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Thanks, Ezekiel's Storm. I must be honest: using Eleanor here wasn't an idea I first came up with. But ... it ended up with her singing the melody track, so all's well that ends well, right? smile Anyway, so happy you liked her rendition of the song! And yes, she does sound remarkably life-like, no? Hmmm ... strange world, right? smile

musician17 #841765 02/04/25 02:54 PM
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James,

A beautiful song.
I appreciate that you used one of the new pianos.
Nice mix.

fj

musician17 #841813 02/05/25 12:49 AM
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Hi, James.

A very pretty song.

I agree with others that it's too staccato in places, and a bit stilted in places.

OK, since you asked for ALL I'm going to be ruthlessly honest here: except for the chorus, the words seem to be set haphazardly. If there's a rhyme of reason to it, I'm not seeing it. It's cool, but using a synthetic voice emphasizes the effect, and I'm left wondering if you're just trying to set up strong contrast between the verse and chorus, or... I'm not sure.

I'll admit, the line "I wish..." is actually really effective being held out. But the rest of it? Some words are short, some are long, and none of it is sounds much like actual speech. I sort of wonder what your intent on the poor, lazy listener like me is. I feel a bit like I've wandered into an avant-garde composition. Which you can do, because it's your song and I know you've got real composition credentials, unlike some of us. wink

And then it gets to the chorus, where you go into a regular pattern, as if to say: See! I can do that old boring rhyme pattern when I want to.

You mentioned you didn't know what to cut from the lyrics, but you've got an instrumental section. Those are the first things you can drop. (Unless you're a lead guitarist, because then it's the whole point of the song).

There are some suspect lyrics, like: And the world will stop to spin

"the world will stop to spin" is a contradiction. Then again, the world would be a poorer place if everything had to be strictly literal. wink

The following line: When our lives are up/I will gladly take that cup

sounds like it exists just to complete the rhyme. And that phrase is much too low for the vocalist. Ironically, the line "And fly with you into the aether." would normally be written as an upward melody to create a parallel with the lyric. But no, you've got to be a rebel!

This isn't an intent to tell you what you should or shouldn't have done - just some thoughts as I listened.

Anyway, I enjoyed the song, and hope you don't take any of this feedback too seriously. smile


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
musician17 #841937 02/05/25 09:34 PM
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Hi James.

I enjoyed what you have done.
Eleanor was a perfect fit for your lyrics and you've done a great job getting her to sound so realistic.
I also love the band you've put together.
The mix was excellent.
The singer/songwriter piano is outstanding and fits the mood so very, very well.

Kudos to you smile
--Noel


MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2024
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