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Hi Everyone, Here is a song I wrote about war - starts as if it is a rather sentimental waltz song but then twists. Any way I hope you like it and comments would be much appreciated. http://www.box.net/shared/2788gct0t7Jim
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Interesting song, Jim. One always takes a bit of a chance by departing from well-established paradigms, but I think it is the very essence of creativity to do so at times.
Having said that, the pairing of elements (anti-war/love song) is not entirely out in left field. Certainly war affects humanity even at the level of individual couples.
I didn't feel like the lyrics drew me effectively from the first topic to the other. It was more of an abrupt change to my ears, and in a way I wished to continue the love story because that was more comfortable for me. The inclusion of the anti-war sentiments seemed forced... (but that may reflect my own opinions about a variety of things more than it reflects any absolute value of your approach.)
I certainly would not change this based on my or anyone elses comments... because its very difference from what I expected makes in interesting and therefore noteworthy.
On my speakers, the vocals sounded farther back in the mix than did some of the backing instruments. This made it hard for me to hear the message without listening several times.
All in all, a very lovely composition! It flowed well and was a totally pleasing-to-the-ear listening experience! I liked your choice of instruments and the chords played well together. I'm glad you continue to participate in the forum! I look forward to hearing more of your work!
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Hi Jim, Thank you for sharing your song. You're relatively new to these forums and I admire you for taking the chance to showcase your work. I remember feeling very nervous about putting my first song up for critique. Your song haunts me. Even now, while I'm typing this, it's playing in my head. This type of groove is one of my favorites. I really like the relaxed feel of a modern waltz and you've captured it extremely well. Also, I've got to say that I envy you your excellent singing pitch. It makes me realize just how much more practice I have to do! In relation to the music, I like the way you started with uncomplicated and easy-listening harmony. As the song progressed, I appreciated how you added tension to the harmony to accompany and match the tension build-up in the words. To my mind, this was an excellent fit from a prosody perspective: very skillfully done. While the first verse of the lyrics worked well for me, the lyric development of moving into an anti-war theme did not. I tend to be conservative when it comes to lyrics and this handicaps me when listening to works such as this song. The above being said, though, in my mind, as your song played, I could see a couple dancing around while bombs were dropping, sirens were screaming, and rubble was falling in a cloud of dusty concrete. I was reminded of that scene in one of the movies about the Titanic where a couple dance as the boat sinks: the pathos of bitter and sweet tangled together in one final, tragic act. Your song did this and the fact that it managed to create this kind of mood for me is a real compliment to your ability. My impression is that you are a talented guy. I'm looking forward to hearing your next one. All the best with your songwriting  Noel
Last edited by Noel96; 03/23/10 02:31 AM.
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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WOW – Don’t change a thing!
Super song, great vox, outstanding lyrics and good backing tracks.
Excellent job.
OK, a random thought;
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who's not buying it?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Very nice work. Thanks for sharing. Listen To My MusicRead My Blog
My TunesPsalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.
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Hi Pat, Noel, Mario, PGFAntastic,
Sorry to be late in replying but I have been away these last few days.
Thanks for all your comments.
Pat and Noel: I think mixing love song with war song is okay and I like the twist from one to the other as the surprise gives it more of an affect. I am surprised Pat that you said the vocals sounded further back - I do not seem to hear that. In fact I the opposite - it is difficult to get it right for all speaker systems.
Mario and PgFantastic: I am pleased you liked it
Thanks again to you all for listening and commenting. It is good to have feedback.
Jim
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Hi Danny,
Thanks for listening and I am pleased that you enjoyed the song.
Jim
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