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My Mate Jack Attached is my latest song called "My Mate Jack". It's been self-moderated (censored) as the original whilst not being of an 18+ nature, could be considered vulgar and offensive, so I've changed certain lyrics and the song title so as not to get myself blacklisted. The original will be on my soundcloud profile should anyone wish to hear the original. This song came about as an assignment to create a "comic" song, so it isn't intended to be taken seriously. Being in your 60's, you begin to notice that your body starts to rewrite its genetic coding, things grow and drop off from all sorts of places... especially hair! ..and that's what this song is all about. Self criticism: 1.The song is too long, especially the chorus. Well done to you if you listened to all 5 minutes 30 seconds! 2. There's no break from the vocals, no focus on the music (solo) 3. Because I've audited the song, you may hear some variation where I've punched in alternative lyrics. 4. I haven't played any instruments in this mix, all BIAB 5. Vocals aren't the best But other than that, I'm relatively happy with it...it's a throw away song really, and I hadn't intended recording it originally. But as a quick follow up to "Lights", I thought why not, I need to use BIAB on a regular basis to get the hang of this beast! Hope it's a reasonable submission. Kind regards Song Details: Key=C , Tempo 116 Style is _SZHONKY.STY (Stonez Honky) RealTracks in style: ~388:Bass, Electric, Metal Ev 120 RealTracks in style: ~496:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm StoneZ Honky 1 Ev 120 RealTracks in style: ~502:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm StoneZ Honky 2 Ev 120 RealDrums in style:NashvilleEven8^8-a:Snare, HiHat Open , b:Snare, Ride Lyrics: INTRO Hey hair, why should I care, if you want to take root and grow just there. But I do, and maybe I’m over reactive, but you don’t make me look any more attractive. VERSE 1 From my nose spiders grow, laying in wait….their legs on show. Downy ears have turned to brushes, now a nest for wayward Thrushes. A greying fleece now thrives down my back, carries on somewhere down the track. PRE-CHORUS Meanwhile my hairline grows ever thin, but at least I know I can still take it on the chin. CHORUS So tell me why you arrive in strange places? Then disappear from others without any traces. Hair damaged by product, sun and bleach. Please don’t appear in places beyond my reach. Is my DNA sequence coming undone? A Savannah proliferates where there is no sun. This mane grows thicker down my back, Hope it never reaches my mate Jack. BREAK Brother Paul goes to the top of the class, he took a razor and shaved his ……….. Shaved till it was smooth as silk, Now he moisturises with evaporated milk. VERSE 2 My legs are bald, rampant alopecia, remain my most endearing feature. Shave, pluck or wax, on a daily basis, none as bad as genital electrolysis. All this diversity in all things follicle, hope it’s not indicative of something diabolical. Repeat PRE-CHORUS Repeat CHORUS OUTRO My mate Jack, my mate Jack, never ever reaching my mate Jack. My mate Jack, my mate Jack, hope it never reaches my mate Jack. My mate Jack, my mate Jack, ain’t nothing special ‘bout my mate Jack My mate Jack, my mate Jack, ain’t gonna be getting no hot wax.
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I agree it's a bit long
It made me smile and it's fun to see that BiaB can do this stuff.
I do not work here, but the benefits are still awesome
Make your sound your own!
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Lee, other than those 5 things you mentioned I thought this was a very clever song. Great backing band and vocal. Super lyrics.
You said "Being in your 60's, you begin to notice that your body starts to rewrite its genetic coding, things grow and drop off from all sorts of places... especially hair! ..and that's what this song is all about" being older I can say you ain't seen nothing yet!
I liked this a lot!
I'm in a fitness protection program. I'm been hiding from exercise.
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Hey Lee!
I love it how your vocal and rhythm guitar start very boldly (baldly?) right out of the gate! A song that grabs a listener's attention right from the start is off to a good start. That band choice - Stonez Honky - fits the song and its humour very well, and I like the changes to the feel in the pre-chorus and break to create variation in the arrangement. If you were looking to shorten it, splitting the chorus in two and using half each chorus (although that would give you some rhyming problems and leave the title only stated once other than the outro), and maybe reducing the outro lines. It's up to you though - the song was entertaining and with variation that the song went quickly on my listens.
Don't apologise for your vocal - you used some interesting inflections, phrasing etc. to give some spice and added humour to the song. From what I've heard on this forum from other members, people appreciate hearing human vocals - no offense intended to anyone using AI.
Andrew
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Hi Lee,
Nothing wrong with this! But I would bring the drums and bass up a bit - particularly the drums.
The vocal effects sound good. Is it just doubling, or something else? I enjoyed the entire song.
I'm almost 80 years old and have three brothers (one deceased). I have more hair than all of them combined, but it's starting to thin a bit. i still use a comb rather than a wash rag!
See ya next song. Looking forward to it.
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*32GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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Thank you Rharv
I’m glad it made you smile. I’ve done one or two comic songs but they’re not my preferred genre. But if the theme or target is good for a laugh, then why not?
Kind regards
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Thank you for your review MarioD.
My vocal came out stronger than I expected, although I think I didn’t have much room left in my vocal range. The lyrics seemed to come together and gel quite easily on this subject, probably because there’s a wealth of material to draw from!
Oh dear, if I ain’t seen nothing yet, then you’ve got me worried about the next 20 years growth and redundant areas!
Thank you for listening, kind regards
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Hello Mr Dee
Thank you for listening. It took me quite a while to settle on Stonez Honky, I was finding it hard to find a style that suited. I was also looking for a solo to break up the vocals, give the listener a break, but nothing really worked, certainly not in the base pack I’m using. I don’t think I’ll do anything else with it, as I said in the blurb, it’s a throwaway song and I hadn’t really intended recording it, but I wanted to practice using BIAB and so it was a chance to do so. The vocal came out relatively well. The initial takes were okay, it was just a little problematic punching in the replacement lines, but it’s all good experience and practice.
See you soon, kind regards. (…..hmmm, now a ballad about…)
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Hello AI David
Thank you for listening. Yeah it was a bit of a balancing act with the Bass, Drums and Guitars. They were drowning out the vocal in places, so I pushed the vocal levels as much as I could and reduced Bass and Drums a bit so that the Vox were as clear as they could be. Perhaps the Stonez Honky style is a louder style all round, but I know what you’re saying. The Vox are just doubling, pushed left and right. I do use VX64 (I think that’s correct) plug-in in Cakewalk Sonar. I used two presets, vocal lead rock edge for intro, and verses, and phat bugger for the chorus. They use doubling, reverb, compression to varying degrees.
Kind regards
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Love the sound of this and how you've layered the vocals. Reminds me of Eric Goulden, who I adore. Agree it could be shortened to a more listener-friendly duration. It's easily hooky enough to carry that off and finish on the "my mate jack" outro. I've used those StoneZ guitars on dozens of songs, and they always sound great. Well done!
DC Ron
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Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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Thank you DC Ron. I’m not familiar with Eric Goulden, I’ll check him out. A shortened version should have been the first thing I did. The thing is I had so many good lines/phrases, I would have had to choose which ones to cull. It’s a good dilemma to have, but an agonising decision to make.
Thank you for reviewing and listening. Kind regards.
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Lee,
You have an awesome sound. Very authentic and I love the gritty touches. Excellent song and mix!
Bob
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Thank you Bob,
I put that grittiness down to the Stonez Honky style used, it blended with song theme well. It’s not my best work, but I will do better.
Thank you for listening, kind regards.
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Big smiles on ya, Lee. <-- & that was even before pushing Play, just reading your post.
Now for the music... Sounds like something Lennon would've cooked up in Harry Nilsson's studio. I really like it. Wild, not crazy. Spilling-my-beer funny. Five and a half minues were all fun.
Had so much fun, I searched for and found the original. All I can say is, "Your nuts!!" <--not a spelling error.
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The lyrics are really well written and very funny - a great comic song - plus I'd rather hear your raw vocals than SynthV. I have no problem at all with long tracks be they vocal songs or instrumentals as besides most of my material being long there have been oodles of 5+ minutes songs and instrumentals published and successfully sold. None of us on this forum are after getting into the Top 40, which is the main reason shorter material is played on radio, plus I never see any comments on YouTube saying such as "While I really like 'Son of Mr Green Genes' Mr Zappa, I think you should shorten it by 25%." As said, there's oodles of stuff out there which exceeds 5+ minutes. My only 'personal taste' criticism of your song is that I'd have liked to hear a solo somewhere to break it up, but I love long solos.
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
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#13: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
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Vocal was solid, mate, wish I sang that well. Had a very seventies/eighties British feel that I liked. Good work.
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Thank you Marty for listening to both versions and your review. Glad it made you smile, I think it’s a subject matter that all we Silverbacks can we relate to. ….and I didn’t even have to mention brushed back eyebrows…what purpose do they serve?
Yes I agree, I’m nuts!!
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Thank you Waoband,
Glad it made you smile. I agree, there shouldn’t be a time restraint on creativity, so long as the extra time is warranted and not boring the listener. It certainly needs to be varied melodically if you want to hold the listeners ear. I did toy with a solo over part of the chorus, but in the end I used this as an exercise to gain more experience with BIAB.
Thank you for listening, kind regards
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Thank you Tunemonger
Yes very much 70s and 80s British feel, after all that was my era and upbringing. Thank you for comments on the vocals. I’m not a world beater when it comes to singing and I don’t have a big range, but half the battle is knowing when you sound bad and just backing off.
Kind regards
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Funny & cool too.
I assume, using Kneewobbler, very Carry On, as you forum tag, that there was a sense of humour lurking.
Your voice is good...need a little evening of level and seemed to have a little too much bass, (proximity effect?), & some sibilant stuff too...though the bass bits were off to the side so may be reverb or something else causing those things.
I think the vocal & melody would have been even more at home with a Mersey Beat backing.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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