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Joined: Nov 2025
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https://www.johnwalradt.com/music/songs/brains4bible-master_aug16.mp3This satirical song isn't for everyone for sure. After years of churches and bars, I haven't stepped into either for years and never will again. Both are the same, the only difference are the drinks they serve. Eventually I'll put it on my "Pressing the Buttons" album. All instruments are from Band in a Box. I typed in Paul Simon's "Loves Me Like a Rock" to choose the instrument style. Vocals are mine that I sent into Audimee which converted them into the raspy screwball sounding vocal of "Ralph." Style is _TRIUMPH.STY (Triumph Breezy Jazz Pop Swing) RealTracks in style: 2664:Bass, Electric, RockNRollBritSwing2Feel Sw 140 RealTracks in style: 2814:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm GospelSwingMike Sw 140 RealTracks in style: 3402:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm SwingHardFingerStrum Sw 140 RealTracks in song: 3537:Vocals, Background GospelCoolLow2 Sw16 075 RealDrums in style:RockabillySlowSwing^01-a: Brushes, No Kick , b: Brushes, Kick I'M GOING TO TRADE MY BRAINS FOR A BIBLE Words and music by John Walradt I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land I'm gonna be some kind of religious kook In an all-star Christian band I'll be strict and narrow minded Pretend everything is grand I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land! I'll find me a Christian woman Who will love me in the name of the lord She better keep herself fit and trim Or she's headed out the door! She'll cook and clean and give me sex Worship everything that I do 'Cause woman was made to serve a man And that's in the Bible, too! I'll believe every word I'm spoon fed I wont have a rational thought of my own 'Cause I've got the right equipment That guarantees my heavenly home I'll be a prophet making a profit When I grab that microphone I'll tell you you're going straight to hell Because your soul is still on loan! I'm gonna mount my platinum records It will be a shrine unto the Lord I'll buy me that great big pickup truck Sittin' high on the showroom floor I'm gonna live the abundant life That the good book promised me Just look at them big juicy sirloin tips The purty waitress brings to me! Yep, I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land I'm gonna be some kind of religious kook In an all-star Christian band I'll be strict and narrow minded Pretend everything is grand I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land! Yes, I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land!
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Well, you managed to check off every non-PC box with this one.
Sounds good.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Hi John.
These lyrics must have taken you ages to write. They very cleverly put together. I love the up-tempo swing feel. Your whole presentation was great. I imagine that this song could polarize people but in many ways, that's one of the things music does best; it forces people to form and to reassess opinions and, where needed, to adjust points view.
--Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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John, one thing music can do is to bring out emotions and since this is not even close to being PC I'm sure you'll get some negative feedback.
I liked the vocal FX, backing band, and mix.
Love is grand.
Divorce is twenty grand!
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Well, as someone who personally loves what Jesus was supposed to have actually taught (according to the four "recognized" gospels) ... ... I LOVED the lyrics of this song. Absolutely LOVED them. Nothing worse than a pharisaical vision of religion, any religion ... and Jesus himself warned against such people, time and time again. "The zeal for My house devoureth Me", and all that. But that's just my take on it, and the last thing I want is to add fuel to the fire, so I'll leave it at this  The song itself is so well written and narrated, too. Bravo.
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Hi, John.
Good write, but it felt like the piano in the left channel was sort fighting the rhythm.
Speaking of platinum records, I wonder how many award winners play those "platinum" records to see what random record they used in the award.
-- David Cuny My virtual singer development blogVocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?BiaB 2025 | Windows 11 | Reaper | Way too many VSTis.
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Very clever song with nice audio production.
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Holy Life of Brian, Batman! Competent, cool and un-cool all at once. That's a delicate balance for sure.
The BiaB backing track provides a steady bed for the tune. The track is well-mixed, too. Ralph sounds like he tripped over a few of the lines, but that technology will get better fast for sure. Am thinking it would be more enjoyable to hear you sing this for now. Just me.
Tricky topic, boldly maneuvered.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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HA! Man, people really don't like to talk to me about religion very long. It's because I question everything. This is perfect for those arguments, John. Very funny indeed. Good vocal too. It's the kind of song that fits well in a sing-along.
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Great production. I had to look up Audimee to see the software you were referencing. It seems to have a good job putting a character into your voice. I liked that effect you put on the vocal on the last line of the song. I think Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Ernerst Angley would love this song. 
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I thought I'd wait awhile to see how this parody that satirizes the social structures widely accepted as normal would go over. I have ten such songs. In this song, it's about people who use their professed faith for their own power, greed, and excuses. When I draw comic strips or write songs that are parodies, I'm the one who will declare that the emperor has no clothes! Frank Zappa was a master at this kind of songwriting. He could write a catchy tune that captured the emotional feel of his lyrics which very much amplified the emotion of his songs that could either delight, offend, or make you say, "Well, ain't that the truth!"
DCuny, Good observation on the real tracks piano. I'll listen to it more closely. Could even be the vocal it's fighting.
Mario, I agree wholeheartedly. Songs that point out in satire, especially ones that get into politics or religion, is like stepping on the social mine field. Well, must be the cartoonist in me.
GHacker, almost every box! Yeee-haaa! Git along little dogies! Anyway, I was also happy with the sound and production. Band in a Box makes such good tracks that very few mixing tricks have to be done on them, if at all.
Musician17, you're absolutely correct. Any popular belief system is vulnerable to becoming polluted. Greed and power always steps in. Thank you for your insights and compliments!
DC, I originally sang it but with each revision, the microphone always made each clip sound different. Maybe I'll try it as a whole again. But I thought it would fit well to have a comical vocal, too. Ralph is one of the selections in Audimee but you must provide your own vocal! I'm okay with that. I do prefer an actual human recording, though. Yep, it was tricky but I tend to go full speed ahead and write words to hit the target.
Marty, because I have autism, for some reason I'm easy to pick out even though I don't want to be, and that's what happened in churches when a visiting evangelist or some group leader wanted to make an example and humiliate someone, besides being berated by individuals in the churches. Heck, I could get that kind of treatment in bars! I saw how men loved to use their superiority and the women who wanted to be part of their power...and how you had to "fit in" to be accepted.
Noel, yep! Took years of experiences and that's how I came to write the song.
Eze, the fadeout at the end seemed appropriate. The character of Ralph seemed to fit. I like the fact that Audimee is royalty-free, that the people who actually record sounds for them are paid for what they do, and that they are individual sounds as Band in a Box are individual sounds and are not culled from complete recordings made by other artists. Oh, and maybe Oral Roberts might have, too.
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