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Joined: Dec 2007
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Hi Everyone, Here is a song I wrote and played on the CVP 509 digital piano. http://www.box.net/shared/86rds45urbThe words are: Stay with You verse 1 I hunger for your love As sure as stars above I want to be with you You give me your love today You'll always be this way You said you wanted me back Our time apart a setback Now I'm ready to return I know my mind's okay Dreaming the hours away chorus I want to come home Want to stay with you Stay all the time I want to come home Want to stay with you Stay all the time verse 2 I know our time has come Nothing now to overcome No clouds to hide our love We'll dance each night away Each tomorrow a lucky day We will relax in the sun Enjoy having so much fun The sky a beautiful blue We'll stay together this time In harmony with perfect rhyme chorus solo chorus Hope you like it. Comments very much appreciated. Thanks for listening Jim
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Hi Jim, This one sounded a little different from what I have come to anticipate from your treasure chest of musical creations. I like the direction that your production has taken. As I said once before, you sure are prolific at putting out songs. The chorus on this song appeals to me; it works. You sounded really comfortable singing it, too. I notice that these lyrics are pretty much rhyming couplets pumping out three strong beats per line (from a poetic perspective, I interpret the meter as iambic trimeter). There's nothing wrong with that but it made me wonder if you have you tried varying line length throughout a song? For example, have a verse that mixes lines/phrases with (say) 3 strong beats and 4 strong beats, and possibly even 5 strong beats. Then in the chorus, have lines that are 2 strong beats. I have found that this simple tool can add a whole new power and emotion to lyrics. Here's a link to some thoughts that Pat Pattison has put together on the topic. He explains what I'm trying to say much more clearly. http://www.patpattison.com/structureexpectations2/Also, if you're interested, Pat Pattison has written a book especially about lyric movement. I have found it an invaluable asset in my library. I've read it four times and I've done every one of the exercises. I'm presently re-reading this book yet again. The book is called, "Songwriting: Essential Guide to Lyric Form and Structure". It's easily available through Amazon.com. Overall, though, I've got to say that I admire your creativity, Jim  All the best, Noel
Last edited by Noel96; 06/16/10 01:00 AM.
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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Hi Jim, this is a winner in my book, two thumbs up! Great chord progression, backing tracks and outstanding vocals.
The only thing I found a little distracting was that midi distorted guitar lead part. I thought it was a little too harsh sounding for the song. I might replace that with something a little mellower say vibes or a jazz guitar with vibrato or a flute with vibrato; on many patches you can add vibrato via the mod wheel. Again this is just my opinion.
Great job on this one. It’s already in my keeper folder.
OK, a random thought;
Why does toilet paper need a commercial? Who's not buying it?
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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l love the lyrics cause they're so apropos ...however a bit loud for me... and wondering if you have (if you don't already) a compressor-type of algorithm software for final mixes?? You've got lots of talent!!
I'd replace the lead with steel drums...in tribute to the BP Gulf Oil Spill and loss of environment/tourism for who knows how long!?
In fact, this song would be a "perfect lyrical subrosa backround for this evening's soccer-dodgeball speech" from the Oval office.
Last edited by GDaddy; 06/15/10 06:54 AM.
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Hi Noel,
I agree with the comments you make about varying line length and thanks for mentioning the book. I did find the book on Amazon. Books on poetry writing techniques are also useful. I do sometimes write with varying length.
Thanks for your very kind comments Noel and I am pleased you enjoyed the song.
Jim
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Hi Mario,
I am very pleased you liked the song - good that you liked the chord progression - 13ths and 9ths important here as they influence the melody and not just colouration.
With respect to the guitar lead - I did try other instruments but did not like what I did for the solo bit. I think I feel okay with the guitar - most of the time anyway. Jazz guitar is a possibility.
Thanks again for listening and your very kind comments
Jim
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Hi GDaddy,
Thanks for your kind comments and pleased you liked it.
I do use izotope alloy for vocal although not too much. Also use ozone 4 for final mix but again not too much.
The BP Gulf Oil Spill is a disaster - both the science and the politics is getting confusing.
Thanks again for listening
Jim
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Hi Jim,
Great song, I especially liked the chorus. Very well done! I agree with MarioD on the lead guitar.
Cheers
Superbron
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Hi Superbron,
Thanks for you very kind comments and pleased you liked the song. I will think about the choice of lead guitar.
Best Regards
Jim
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