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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 169
Apprentice
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 169 |
Hi Everyone, Here is a rather sad song - it is based on a true story I read of in the papers. http://www.box.net/shared/ebvnkb4ycuThe words are: OLD MAN Old man on the road Felt good on the day He talked to himself And strode on his way He liked to look down From where he had been And make up stories Of what he had seen Alone with his stick To aid his weak leg He kicked the odd stone And thought of his Meg She had lied to him The night she lay dead I have no pain now Is what she had said She then rested down But didn’t say goodnight Her hair became wet Her face became white No more did she breath She had lied that night No honest farewell It did not seem right He left the body Remembered her face It was his turn now To end it with grace He slowly walked on Wished she had not lied Imagined Meg felt His love when she died Silence all around He laid down his stick Took all the tablets Dared not to be sick Whispered his goodbyes Thought he should have stayed How could he leave her Felt cold, felt afraid Old man on the road Felt good on the day He talked to himself And strode on his way His hair became wet His face became white His eyes remained closed He died in the night Maybe this will not be so popular but I like the song anyway. Comments appreciated Jim
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 20,486
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 20,486 |
Hi James,
I'm not quite sure what to say about this song. I liked the way the lyrics developed in the first three verses but, after that, the song became a little too sad for me to enjoy. One thing I noticed, though, is that your production and presentation are getting noticeably stronger with each song you post. It is clear that you are developing some good skills in this area.
All the best,
Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 5,163
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Veteran
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 5,163 |
It is definitely a sad one. I like the structure and backing you came up with for it though. I enjoyed it, nothing to critique from me. They are getting better each time you post. keep up the good work.
Trax
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Joined: Dec 2003
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Yes, it is a very sad song. I’m in Trax’s camp here, very good song structure and backing tracks. Super job on that.
IMHO, and others may differ, I thought that an instrumental verse between each two vocal verses was a tad too much. I might cut those down to maybe only two measures of instrumental before the next verse. The two verse instrumental lead in the middle of the song is fine. Again that is just my opinion.
I really did enjoy this song. Great job on the mix, backing tracks and vocals.
The bumper sticker said "I'm a veterinarian, therefore I can drive like an animal".
Suddenly I realized how many proctologists are on the road.
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Hi Noel, Muzic Traxand Mario,
Thanks for listening
Noel: Yes it is a sad song. It was good of you to listen and thanks for your kind comments about the production.
Muzic Trax: Thank you for your kind comments and I am pleased you liked it.
Mario: Thank you also Mario for your kind comments - much appreciated. I did wonder if there were too many instrumental parts. Like you I would not cut the one leading into the middle of the song. I thought that the instrumental parts could express more feeling and the playing was slightly different on each one to try to capture this. Pleased you liked it Mario.
Thanks
Jim
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 928
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 928 |
Though song titles can't be copyrighted, as a personal choice I always avoid naming my songs with the same title as already existing famous ones.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Man_(song)
Helps to avoid any confusion.
Just my two cents. YMMV.
Last edited by FirstBassman; 06/28/10 02:02 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Apprentice
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 169 |
yeah would avoid confusion
Jim
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