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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385
Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385 |
Song I wrote a few years ago, but never fleshed it out or recorded it. Here is the link: Dinner at Eight Another little character sketch of a fairly unappealing guy, this time an LA lounge lizard, trying to "find himself." As usual, comments and criticisms most welcome. ****** Song Summary ************* Title: Dinner at Eight - 01 Key=A , Tempo 75, Length (m:s)=3:37 4 bar intro, 60 bar chorus, from bar 5 to bar 64. Repeat x1 chorus Style is _EZLISTN.STY (Slow EZ Listen w/ Ac Guit.(85RS)) RealTracks in style: ~~534:Bass, Electric, Pop Sw 065 RealTracks in song: 748:Piano, Acoustic, Solo-Accompaniment Jazz Ballad Sw 085 (A:simple) RealTracks in style: 1984:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm EZListening Sw 085 RealTracks in song: ~494:Trumpet, Jazz Ballad Sw 085 RealDrums in style: JazzBrushes#1: a: JazzBrushes#1b: JazzBrushes#1 *******************
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Brad,
You've got a lot of cool stuff going on here - mixed in with some "jumble" (or "stumble" - not sure what the right word is). I assume you really do want some comments(?)...
You're vocals are VERY COOL. And very well recorded (how do you do that? - you need to share). The over-all "sound" is also, quite cool... early Tom Waits (does it get any better than THAT?)
The instrumental break after the first verse - lose that (wrong place). You've got a neat instrumental after the "bridge" - where it should be.... that should be followed by the chorus to wrap it up....
I know you are in "speed song write" mode, so none of this will "matter"... but, you've got some cool stuff here... oooh, I already said that, didn't I...
floyd
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I love the melody, like Floyd said re: speed writing, with a tiny few changes with the lyric the phrasing would be easier to accomplish, i.e. in a couple of places a few too many words. But even with that said you sold the song.
Again you have some very good writing mixed into this speedy project. In particular the bridge:
Is there a way, to be near to another,
Without losing your head or your heart?
Can I go on, and keep it together,
Or must I keep falling apart?
The bridge lyric sings itself!
Later,
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385 |
Thanks so much, Floyd... praise from you is much appreciated.
My voice... is what it is. Forty years of smoking (now ended), proximity effect, excessive reverb, and hitting some Ozone 5 presets (don't know what I am doing there, yet... just punching buttons until it sounds good). Fact is, I generally wish my voice was more like yours, or maybe a little higher... It's taken me a long time to realize that the baritones (Sinatra, Como, Elvis, and yes, Waits) of the world really do seem more solid... But have always wanted to be a tenor... I guess because that's what the great doo ***** leads of my youth generally were (Dion, Johnny Maestro, ).
Your advice on the Bridge placement is right on, and I thought long and hard about it... I settled on this structure mainly because it makes a better psychological story for the character... to be thinking to himself about his "finding himself" after he has made his lame, hurtful excuses to his date. But I bet you are right... music trumps psychology.
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User Showcase
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385
Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385 |
Thanks a lot, Danny... Yes, I like the bridge lyric, too. It strings together some well-worn cliches in a meaningful way for the protagonist to try and work out what is happening to him, and why he "has to change".
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