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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Finally got a new large laptop for Xmas and now able to load in last year's BIAB Ultra as may old laptop was too small and slow. Anyway, wrote my first song of 2019 and hopefully off to a good start. https://soundcloud.com/belladonna-amaya/if-karma-were-flowersTitle: If Karma Were Flowers DJE 1/01/19 Verse 1 Hot summer nights and fireflys We’ld lie in fields of clover Watching the night sky Planning our lives forever You’ld say “You’re my Soulmate” Finally found you after years Soon realized you were click bait Facing my worst fears Chorus If karma were flowers I’ld send you a bunch Year’s I tried to love you There was no free lunch I’ld wire a bouquet of sours Cold dried crispy crunch Payback for all the hours If karma were flowers Verse 2 Your promises were engaging An invasive creeper you entwined Your deceptions were enraging You would always spin my whines You were a daydream believer And I was on life’s treadmill It wore me down like a fever Till I woke up to the real Chorus Bridge I’ll blossom in the tropics Just me soaking up the sun I’m healing from your toxics Don’t call me on the phone Chorus RealBand Style ZZPBAL12.STY Thanks for listening in advance. Likes most appreciated. Constructive comments always welcome.
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Love the free lunch reference.
To my ears the vocal is too dry and too far "above" the backing.
I have to admit some surprise at the choice of a midi style - your earthy voice would've sent tme straight to the Realstyles in Ultra.
Regardless,
it's a fabulous title, the lyric has some excellent snappy cuts and it's a start for 2019 I've not accomplished.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Hi Belladonna,
Your songs got the feel of a Dear
John letter, with most of the
good furniture missing...
There's cleaning house and
there's cleaning house...
So the vocals & lyrics
fit the mood... with this
song left on a beat up old
computer... with a note saying
"Play"
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Donna, Great song. I like the vocal approach as well. You have a very unique sound that fits the lyric very well. You are off to a good start  Bob
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You're off to a good start for a brand new year... Here's hoping 2019 will be good to you & you won't have send out any "karma flowers" ... Instead you'll be using your new laptop to write many more fun & lovely songs!
Jim
†=☮&♥
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Hey Donna, Really great song, song idea, and production. Super lyrics. Happy New Year and keep the hits coming!!
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Nice write
I especially like the chorus
creative lyrics
enjoyed the listen,
Kenny
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Donna: I gotta get this out my "craw": I wish I could write lyrics as you do. They are as inevitable and orderly as breathing in, breathing out. They communicate almost immediately the subject matter of your songs, and they tell stories as easily as opening a kitchen window to hear what's going on over at your neighbor's house, but without being excessively linear in narrative. "If Karma Were Flowers" is a beautiful title, literarily speaking, and as barbed as a rose stem, metaphorically speaking. The subject of your song who is on the receiving end of your politely poisionous put-downs sounds like a real charmer with a mirror for a heart. But, then again, it's the "bad boys" who so often get the girl that they make "nice" guys wish they were bad, too! Nonetheless, my favorite lines are: "Hot summer nights and fire-flies..." A vivid evocation of place. And then: "You would always spin my whines..." Character, character, character. Is there a novel waiting to be born out of this song? Also: "I'd wire a bouquet of sours
Cold dried crispy crunch..." Loving the alliteration, here! The final image of you licking your romantic wounds on some island hide-away, brings as much closure as an open door, because you only instruct him not to call you on the phone, instead of asking him to leave you alone. Hmmmm...  You chose a simple BIAB style, but its very spareness perfectly supports the lonesome, weary, "I've had enough of you, bub" tone in your voice. When all is said and done, Donna, "If Karma Were Flowers" is like a snapshot of a relationship that can only be viewed in the upside-down position, which makes the picture worth more than the proverbial "thousand words". I look forward to your posts like someone waiting for a phone call! Truly, LOREN
Last edited by bluage; 01/02/19 09:49 AM.
"Music is what feelings sound like."-- borrowed from a Cakewalk Music Creator forum member, "Mamabear".
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Hi Belladonna,
Your songs got the feel of a Dear
John letter, with most of the
good furniture missing...
There's cleaning house and
there's cleaning house...
So the vocals & lyrics
fit the mood... with this
song left on a beat up old
computer... with a note saying
"Play" Hey, "LPman"... Love your clever comment on "Belladonna's" song! LOREN
"Music is what feelings sound like."-- borrowed from a Cakewalk Music Creator forum member, "Mamabear".
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Journeyman
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Thanks Rayc for your critique. I must say you really have a great ear as you are so right I have been having a little problem with my voice. Winter is so drying and allergies have been making my voice a little hoarse. The vocals also may have been a little bit too loud. However in my opinion it all fits so well the prosody of the song. A sort of dry, hoarse vocals and dried, dead, crispy, crunchy bouquet to the recipient. Also a little loud and my choice of the unemotional lazy lounge music style ballad is a perfect delivery to the person who deserves it. What do they always say "Revenge is a dessert best served cold".
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Journeyman
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Thanks LP Man for reminding me of the Dear John letters. It is so fitting.
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Thanks Bob, always appreciate your take on things as I always love your lyrics.
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Thanks for your comment Jim. This song was definitely alot of fun and I hope to be able to get more songs done on BIAB since now I have no excuse and it's calling out my name. Looking forward to hearing all you guys this year.
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Thanks David, always appreciate your comments as I always enjoy your songs so much.
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Thanks Kenny for your wonderful comments. Looking for hearing everyone's songs this year.
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Bluage, your comments are always so gracious and poetry in motion. Thanks again for your wonderful comments and looking forward to seeing everyone's creativity this year.
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Nice write
I especially like the chorus
creative lyrics
enjoyed the listen,
Kenny Hi Donna, I agree wholeheartedly with Kenny. Like him, I also especially liked the chorus. That rhyme of flowers and sours is excellent and you've set it up so very well. Regards, Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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Noel Thanks for your kind comments.
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Beautiful lyric and vocal Donna. I really like the sparse piano backtrack. Gave the song a very cool lamenting feel. Well done..
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