|
Log in to post
|
Print Thread |
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 4
Newbie
|
OP
Newbie
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 4 |
I'm a beginner songwriter and have just finished my first (ever) song. I got a lot to learn so any thoughts would be really appreciated.
Love, Rinse, Repeat
©2020 JohnMAFS
Verse 1
Is it sad
She holds her hand
Closes her eyes
And pretends it’s a mans
And is it bad
Her life’s so bland
Without the touch
Of a womaniser
People say, “girl don’t you cry
Find another, and you’ll be just fine”
Surprise, surprise
Her hearts’ out to dry
And she’s back on the horse
For another ride
I’ve seen it all before,
She goes slammin’ doors
And then opens ones
That are barely ajar
Chorus
Come on girl, can’t you see?
Love to you’s just rinse and repeat
You’re so locked up
If you want to be freed
Stop playin’ these games of love, rinse, repeat
Verse 2
It’s so sad
When one love ends
She can barely stand
‘Til a new one begins
And it’s so bad
After all these tears
She’s forgotten the boys
From the early years
She treats love like a fool
A game of filling shoes
Yet she asks “why oh why
Is my life so cruel?”
Chorus
Come on girl, can’t you see?
Love to you’s just rinse and repeat
You’re so locked up
If you want to be freed
Stop playin’ these games of love, rinse, repeat
You’re so locked up
If you want to be freed
Stop playin’ these games of love, rinse, repeat
Stop playin’ these games of love, rinse, repeat
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 303
Journeyman
|
|
Journeyman
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 303 |
Hi John!
Congrats to you for completing a song! (I'm amazed you had the moxie to post it; that's very unusual for a first attempt, and makes a (positive) statement about your character.
Also, I think you were smart to announce your ownership of the song (copyright). Do that for every song you put out there.
This is an exceptionally friendly set of forums. BiaB tends to attract people that are interested in creating, not just playing.
So I have a few thoughts. Number 1 is the most important.
1. Keep writing. Like anything else, the more you do it, the better you will get.
2. Did you notice that there is a "Songwriting" forum here? That's where your post belongs, and it's a good place to pick up tips. I'd also recommend that you read (and listen) to the "User Showcase" forum. There are some very smart people who post in those two forums, and they're people who are dealing with exactly the same issues you are (or will be).
*** I'm lyrically challenged! So take my comments with a grain of salt. ***
(I'm assuming you've created music to go with your lyrics. My "clue" was the repetition at the end of your 2nd chorus.)
3. Just reading, I think there are problems with structure. Big advice: Use BiaB!!!
BiaB forces you (at least it has for me) to "clean things up", and be more structured.
Here's an example:
Your first verse has 4 lines, 4 lines, 6 lines, then 4 lines.
But your second verse has 4 lines, 4 lines, then 4 lines. (The structure of your second verse is more common.)
The possible issue is that the structure of the first verse doesn't match the structure of the second verse.
4. Another issue is accents. They are "slaved" to the music, but normally you'd like your accents to line up.
Here's an example:
In verse 1, 1st block: "Closes her eyes" If you say that, the accents are on "Clo" and "eyes".
In verse 1, 2nd block: "Without the touch" If you say that, the accents are on "out" and "touch".
So, 1st block syllable 1 and syllable 4. Second block, syllable 2 and syllable 4.
Normally, the accents should be in the same places.
5. You have a very unusual rhyme scheme. (Irregular.) Normally, at least when you're starting out, try to rhyme line 2 and line 4 in a 4 block.
For example:
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet
and rhymes can be too
Most songs that people remember have cues that make them memorable. Having a simple structure helps. Having a simple (and common) rhyme scheme helps. Having the lyric accents hit on a good beat helps.
Mostly, I don't think any of this is crucial, if you've got a great tune.
(I like tunes.)
I hope something here helps you John. (See (1) and (2), and use BiaB!!!)
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 21,073
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 21,073 |
Le Miz, I'm in no way a lyricist, but your reply to the O/P is absolutely outstanding.
Thank you for sharing such in depth knowledge and detailed recommendations, and for going to such detail to explain.
This has to be seen as extremely helpful to a person reaching out for assistance.
BIAB & RB2026 Win.(Audiophile), Windows 10 Pro & Windows 11, Cakewalk Bandlab, Izotope Prod.Bundle, Roland RD-1000, Synthogy Ivory, Session Keys Grand S & Electric R, Kontakt, Focusrite 18i20, KetronSD2, NS40M, Pioneer Active Monitors.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 16,068
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 16,068 |
Welcome! You might consider posting it in the songwriting forum rather than this "off topic" forum. You would likely get more responses there. Just click on General Discussion and you will see that forum in addition to this one and others.
Bud
Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more. If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks! Our Videos
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,381
Expert
|
|
Expert
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,381 |
Le Miz gave good advice. Here's what I can add, I think. Even if lines and rhymes etc are "irregular", if you have a way to sing this, then it will work. For me, right now, it isn't yet a song-lyric. Don't take that the wrong way or as an insult. It's just that without musical context it's words on a computer screen. Axiomatically, it isn't a "song" until it's sung. Hopefully, at least in your own head/ear/imagination you can sing this. That you have some sense of the melody and it's two main components...the rise and fall of pitch singing notes and the "placement" of those notes in time--rhythm/cadence/phrasing. And that these musical ideas are connected and repeated in some coherent fashion. If YOU can do that (even if it's all internal now) then it IS a song lyric for you. And if you can do THAT, then the most important parts of lyric writing are taken care of, imo. When I'm writing a song, THAT'S when I begin to get excited. I'll make a couple of comments on the words on the screen. 1. I don't know what "And then opens ones That are barely ajar" means. 'Ajar' is something of a synonym to 'open'...not precisely, as I think it more usually refers to something that is 'open' which is normally (or ought to be) closed...at least that's what the computer voice in my dad's car seems to be saying.  So "barely ajar" confuses me. 2. "Come on girl, can’t you see". This is personal and nit-picky, but that "can't you see" line is way overused, imo. It often comes up like a cheap way to rhyme and fill syllables rather than having any punch. That's just my opinion and the way I usually hear it. But, of course, I'm right. 3. You seem to change your POV with that line too. You begin talking "about" her, then change to talking "to" her. At least that's the way it 'reads'. It might be best to pick one POV or the other. And if you're asking, I'd be tempted to address the whole song "to" her. That last one is just good advice for writing in general--especially fiction. Know who YOU (the singer) are in the song. Know who "the listener" (not to be completely confused with "the audience") is in this short piece of fiction. When those two "characters" are established, everything else is easier. There's a lot to like in this. I like your title line. Assuming it hasn't been used many times in your genre, it's catchy. I like the theme a lot. Great subject. I hope at least some of this has been helpful...but especially the part without numbers.
Last edited by Tangmo; 06/10/20 11:42 AM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,808
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 10,808 |
Yep....I agree with everything already said.
Use the songwriter's forum for stuff like this.
Here's just a few thoughts off the top of my head and what I think about a lot when I'm writing.
Write, write, write and then write some more. Study the masters. Who are the masters? They are generally the folks who are writing the songs that you hear on the radio. Study the craft and art of songwriting. Books, courses, seminars, also local songwriting associations.
I have a co-writer who I write with on occasion and she can be a real task master. No cliche lines because that's some worn out stuff.... be sure the verses line up with the same patterns, don't repeat words, watch your rhymes, and so much more. Take a given subject and write about it from a totally new and fresh perspective. Yeah, it's not easy to do but songwriting isn't easy work. That's what makes it so challenging and enjoyable when you do hit those magic combination of words and notes.
You will find too that cowriting and collaborating is a really good way to improve your writing skills quickly. Nothing like a second POV on the topic.
Always try to make sure you write like you speak. Proper order of verbs and such things. Don't write like Yoda speaks. Cute it's not. Always, or mostly, try to write where people listening will be able to understand exactly what's going on in the lyric.
That aside..... yeah, now put some music to that and let's hear what you got. If you're just getting started, learn the rules and follow them. Once you get more experience and your writing has gotten to a higher level.... throw out the rules and write. Some would argue to do that to start, well, unless you are Dylan or Harland Howard..... best to start on firm ground. And when you look at those 2 writers I mentioned, you find that they mostly did follow the rules.
Enough pontification from me.... go and write and compose some music and post it in the Showcase so we can listen and comment.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,900
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,900 |
Do I smell spam? So much good advice for a new member on Post #1. I hope the OP proves me wrong.
BIAB – 2026, Reaper (current), i7-12700F Processor, 32GB DDR4-3200MHz RAM, Motu Audio Express 6x6 - My SoundCloud.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 303
Journeyman
|
|
Journeyman
Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 303 |
Thank you so much VideoTrack for your very kind words! Also thank you Tangmo! Your comments made me feel good. I'm not a good poster, and I know it. (About 250 posts in 20 years!) I do read most every day, and did a couple of years before I joined the forums. Do I smell spam? So much good advice for a new member on Post #1. I hope the OP proves me wrong. MusicStudent, you were not the only one. I actually considered the possibility of spam before replying. I decided to post anyway. If the poster is a beginning songwriter, I wanted to post an affirmation (I believe all songwriters need that), adding a couple of basic pointers that I wish I had started with decades ago. If it was spam, my thought was that maybe those pointers would help other readers. Historically, the Off-Topic forum has gotten much traffic. (As I post this, the thread has 83 views; for me, only 1 has to be a beginning songwriter.) Also I hoped others might offer good advice. (That happened!!!) Plus, PG Music has (and has had) really friendly forums. On balance, I decided to go for it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 24,567
Veteran
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 24,567 |
Do I smell spam? So much good advice for a new member on Post #1. I hope the OP proves me wrong. You are probably right as MAFS is Married At First Site!
Back in my day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender shouted "last call"!
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,900
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,900 |
Something else caught my attention. The lyrics just seemed to work to hard at avoiding any strong rhymes. There were only two examples in all the phrases where words were strong rhymes. Le Miz caught it with " You have a very unusual rhyme scheme. (Irregular.) " Even words which should have rhymed did not.. e.g., She holds her hand
Closes her eyes
And pretends it’s a mans Hand s and Mans would have been better. OK, no biggie there are many other forms of rhyming other than strong (I took Pat's course), but this, combined with Post #1, just seems to be a setup. Having said that, all the info provided was good and the intentions were admirable. And Like I said, the OP is welcome back at any time.
BIAB – 2026, Reaper (current), i7-12700F Processor, 32GB DDR4-3200MHz RAM, Motu Audio Express 6x6 - My SoundCloud.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 4
Newbie
|
|
OP
Newbie
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 4 |
Le Miz, thank you so much for such detailed feedback. I really appreciate it, and being such a beginner I will definitely take all of that on board! In future I'll post on the Songwriting forum!! Thanks again
Last edited by JohnMAFS; 06/10/20 05:18 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 4
Newbie
|
|
OP
Newbie
Joined: Jun 2020
Posts: 4 |
Do I smell spam? So much good advice for a new member on Post #1. I hope the OP proves me wrong. Hello! No this is not spam haha I apologise for posting on the wrong forum, I'm a bit of a newbie. But yes you are right I am lucky to have been given such great advice
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,900
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 12,900 |
Welcome to the forum. 
BIAB – 2026, Reaper (current), i7-12700F Processor, 32GB DDR4-3200MHz RAM, Motu Audio Express 6x6 - My SoundCloud.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Off-Topic
|
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 21,073
Veteran
|
|
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2012
Posts: 21,073 |
Yes, welcome also. You will identify that we are a pretty good bunch of people, and genuinely welcome the same. Every so often there might be an issue, and we only want to keep everything going smoothly, without issue. No harm intended from anyone. Here, we all work on the same team. Welcome, again.
BIAB & RB2026 Win.(Audiophile), Windows 10 Pro & Windows 11, Cakewalk Bandlab, Izotope Prod.Bundle, Roland RD-1000, Synthogy Ivory, Session Keys Grand S & Electric R, Kontakt, Focusrite 18i20, KetronSD2, NS40M, Pioneer Active Monitors.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Update to Build 10 of RealBand® 2026 for Windows®!
If you're already using RealBand 2026 for Windows, download build 10 to get all the latest additions and enhancements.
Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac® users: Build 904 now available!
If you're already using Band-in-a-Box® 2025 for Mac®, make sure to grab the latest update! Build 904 is now available for download and includes the newest additions and enhancements from our team.
Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows® users: Build 1237 is now available!
Already a Band-in-a-Box 2026 for Windows user? Stay up to date and download the build 1237 to get all the latest additions and enhancements.
PowerTracks Pro 2026 for Windows is Here!
PowerTracks 2026 is here—bringing powerful new enhancements designed to make your production workflow faster, smoother, and more intuitive than ever.
The enhanced Mixer now shows Track Type and Instrument icons for instant track recognition, while a new grid option simplifies editing views. Non-floating windows adopt a modern title bar style, replacing the legacy blue bar.
The Master Volume is now applied at the end of the audio chain for consistent levels and full-signal master effects.
Tablature now includes a “Save bends when saving XML” option for improved compatibility with PG Music tools. Plus, you can instantly match all track heights with a simple Ctrl-release after resizing, and Add2 chords from MGU/SGU files are now fully supported... and more!
Get started today—first-time packages start at just $49.
Already using PowerTracks Pro Audio? Upgrade for as little as $29 and enjoy the latest improvements!
Order now!
Band-in-a-Box 2026 for Windows Special Offers End Tomorrow (January 15th, 2026) at 11:59 PM PST!
Time really is running out! Save up to 50% on Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows® upgrades and receive a FREE Bonus PAK—only when you order by 11:59 PM PST on Thursday, January 15, 2026!
We've added many major new features and new content in a redesigned Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows®!
Version 2026 introduces a modernized GUI redesign across the program, with updated toolbars, refreshed windows, smoother workflows, and a new Dark Mode option. There’s also a new side toolbar for quicker access to commonly used windows, and the new Multi-View feature lets you arrange multiple windows as layered panels without overlap, making it easier to customize your workspace.
Another exciting new addition is the new AI-Notes feature, which can transcribe polyphonic audio into MIDI. You can view the results in notation or play them back as MIDI, and choose whether to process an entire track or focus on specific parts like drums, bass, guitars/piano, or vocals. There's over 100 new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows®.
There's an amazing collection of new content too, including 202 RealTracks, new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 5, two RealDrums Stems sets, XPro Styles PAK 10, Xtra Styles PAK 21, and much more!
Upgrade your Band-in-a-Box for Windows to save up to 50% on most Band-in-a-Box® 2026 upgrade packages!
Plus, when you order your Band-in-a-Box® 2026 upgrade during our special, you'll receive a Free Bonus PAK of exciting new add-ons.
If you need any help deciding which package is the best option for you, just let us know. We are here to help!
Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows® Special Offers Extended Until January 15, 2026!
Good news! You still have time to upgrade to the latest version of Band-in-a-Box® for Windows® and save. Our Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows® special now runs through January 15, 2025!
We've packed Band-in-a-Box® 2026 with major new features, enhancements, and an incredible lineup of new content! The program now sports a sleek, modern GUI redesign across the entire interface, including updated toolbars, refreshed windows, smoother workflows, a new dark mode option, and more. The brand-new side toolbar provides quicker access to key windows, while the new Multi-View feature lets you arrange multiple windows as layered panels without overlap, creating a flexible, clutter-free workspace. We have an amazing new “AI-Notes” feature. This transcribes polyphonic audio into MIDI so you can view it in notation or play it back as MIDI. You can process an entire track (all pitched instruments and drums) or focus on individual parts like drums, bass, guitars/piano, or vocals. There's an amazing collection of new content too, including 202 RealTracks, new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, “Songs with Vocals” Artist Performance Sets, Playable RealTracks Set 5, two RealDrums Stems sets, XPro Styles PAK 10, Xtra Styles PAK 21, and much more!
There are over 100 new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows®.
When you order purchase Band-in-a-Box® 2026 before 11:59 PM PST on January 15th, you'll also receive a Free Bonus PAK packed with exciting new add-ons.
Upgrade to Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Windows® today! Check out the Band-in-a-Box® packages page for all the purchase options available.
Happy New Year!
Thank you for being part of the Band-in-a-Box® community.
Wishing you and yours a very happy 2026—Happy New Year from all of us at PG Music!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forums57
Topics86,084
Posts799,912
Members40,030
| |
Most Online44,367
Mar 4th, 2026
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
There are no members with birthdays on this day. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Dansk
Deutsch - Windows
Español
Français - Windows
Italiano - Windows
Nederlands
Polski
Português
Svenskt
русский
Japanese
Simplified Chinese
Traditional Chinese
Korean