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At the boat show I'm playing for I'd like to do some fun stuff. I know there are some folks smarter than me around here so I've started a list and hope to get some more to add to it.
It goes like this-
It's time to head south: when-
-you go outside after it snows and can't find your car
-the kids have to put snowsuits under their halloween costumes.
-it goes above zero and people put shorts on.
-you don't have to hold your breath to turn blue.
-you have a dozen or more recipes for Moose Meat.
-when the four seasons go like this-winter, still winter, end of winter and almost spring.
-the "Red Green" show is your favorite TV program.
-you get excited whenever you can see bare ground.
-you have to wear spikes on your shoes and you're not a golfer.
-you carry salt in your car and it's not for consumption.
-you don't need a freezer for you food, you just leave it outside.
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1. You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4. You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
11. The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
14. Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
15. You think the start of moose season is a national holiday.
16. You head south to go to your cottage.
17. You frequently clean grease off your barbeque so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
19. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making.
20. You find -40C a little chilly.
21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your Sorels.
23. You can play road hockey on skates.
24. You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
26. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Northern friends.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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How do you stop your bacon from curling in the pan.
Answer:
Take away their brooms.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Quote:
At the boat show I'm playing for I'd like to do some fun stuff. I know there are some folks smarter than me around here so I've started a list and hope to get some more to add to it.
It goes like this-
It's time to head south: when-
-you go outside after it snows and can't find your car
-the kids have to put snowsuits under their halloween costumes.
-it goes above zero and people put shorts on.
-you don't have to hold your breath to turn blue.
-you have a dozen or more recipes for Moose Meat.
-when the four seasons go like this-winter, still winter, end of winter and almost spring.
-the "Red Green" show is your favorite TV program.
-you get excited whenever you can see bare ground.
-you have to wear spikes on your shoes and you're not a golfer.
-you carry salt in your car and it's not for consumption.
-you don't need a freezer for you food, you just leave it outside.
Even Al Gore is dressing in layers!
Later,
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If he moves to Texas will he be Gore-Tex?
Living proof that science and politics do not mix.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Geez, no one even commented. Good thing we didn't post jokes about 'mericans. We would be ducking nukes, incoming mortars, flame thowers, etc. etc...LOL.
One of my favorite real funny things. Our fire hydrants are painted yellow. It's snowing and the captain of our truck is half blind and can't wear glasses under a mask. We are coming up on a house fire, middle of the day, it's snowing and capt. sees something yellow.
"Take that hydrant right there" he says.
It's a kid in a yellow snow suit.
We still laugh at that every retirement party.
John Conley
Musica est vita
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Well, I was going to say something about his moving to Mexico and then maybe he'd just be Gored. But I thought better of it.
R.
"My primary musical instrument is the personal computer."
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Journeyman
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It's time to head south when: You get caught in bed with your neighbors' wife. ( Ok...thanks to Flatpicker, I've got tiger on the brain 
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There are two seasons in Canada - Construction and Hockey.
The Liberal Party is so old, it's over the Parliament Hill
Good Luck
Check out a Shel Silverstein poem called "The Mermaid" - very popular everywhere I've performed it.
Ian
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 Funny what you Canucks are up to over there
Follow That Dream Sam Karaoke King -------------------- Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what
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Brain freeze, Sam. So cold the dogs are sticking to the trees. Ian
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Its not exactly warm here in Vienna either
Follow That Dream Sam Karaoke King -------------------- Turning that corner again - I have to keep following that dream, no matter what
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john, i loved them all. forwarding the to cuz helen in moncton, nb. thanks for the lift.
ed, i'm sure you've heard the definition of a boat...its a hole in the water that the owner keeps trying to fill with money.
got down to 27f/-3c last night, supposed to be colder tonight but no snow here yet.
Last edited by Don Gaynor; 12/18/09 10:47 PM.
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Quote:
Brain freeze, Sam. So cold the dogs are sticking to the trees.
Ian
It's so DRY here, the trees chase the dogs.
Cheers,
Keith
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ahh, 27f .. I miss that warm weather ..
got so cold up here we had to warm our words over the fire to have a conversation ..
I do not work here, but the benefits are still awesome
Make your sound your own!
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Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.
ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.
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