PG Music Home Forums General Discussion Off-Topic Manners and sense

There is a gentleman on these boards whom I once respected for his talent, knowledge, and experience. Despite that, I have avoided engaging with him because of his hairtrigger violent temper. Recently I made some comments in a discussion of which he was part. I would say that we crossed swords, except that I didn't have one drawn. My remarks were general, but he chose to take them personally and respond in kind.

In 2007 or 2008 there was a lengthy and heated political discussion here centering on the American presidential election campaign. I got into it with another member regarding our opposing views. "Heated" is an understatement. We went at each other for days. Many were amazed that the discussion wasn't deleted.

The difference is, it never got personal. We were able to stick to principles and avoid calling names. We never agreed, but we parted peaceably. We are not friends--we don't know each other well enough--but we are friendly and, I think, share mutual respect.

I do not see that as a possible outcome in this case. I considered responding point by point but realized that I was not dealing with a rational mind. I said what I needed to say there and have set that individual to Ignore.

I realize that I don't always come across well in the cold medium of electronic communications. (Few people do.) In fact, I have significantly compromised myself in at least two corporate situations in which my online words were misinterpreted and used against me. What I have learned from that, mainly, is to remain silent whenever I am in doubt. It is not conducive to open and honest communication, but I get to keep my job.

I didn't think this was that kind of environment. Mostly people here are well mannered and have the sense to recognize when a subject is worth arguing over--which is almost never.

But just to be clear, if I ever have an issue with someone, be assured that that individual will know it. I will call them by name, publicly or privately as I see fit, and have at it, but based on issues, not suppositions or perceived character flaws.

Mostly I'm preachin' to the choir, I know. Why not assume that the other guy means well and keep it civil in the first place? And if you're still fixin' ta shoot, why not parley first? If there are any questions about my intentions, ask.

Richard

Where PGmusic is changing the face of one 'man' acts, and jazzers and country fans stick their tongues out at each other in good fun.

From my previous post, abooot Canajians.

AND I had pancakes bacon and maple syrup for breakfast, cooked on my bbq, which I use everyday in the summer and MOST days in the winter which is why I just put the shovel out back in my shed.

Knew I could count on you, John! Wait--pancakes on the grill?

John, please tell me you meant that you heated the griddle on your grill.....

I have a side burner and the whole thing is natural gas powered, but if I need to I put foil on the grill and add a pan.

You use the word Canadian & pancakes in the same sentence? Shame on you. In my house growing up we never had pancakes. We had crepes..with maple syrup & butter. YUM

Crêpes, that's another animal. We have that for desert, my kids used to put nutella in them, but in the next week the cherries will be ready and we'll eat them with fresh cherries and heavy cream/flambee liqueur.

Everyone can be baited into a good old forum scuffle once in a while, but i always hope i keep it civil, and realize that in the end it is simply opinions, nothing more.

I guess we all get kinda passionate over stuff we like, and speak .. er type out of hand. Anyway, even if someone calls you names and acts childish, it is just still his opinion, after all i no good and well my parents were married, and i have one of those orfices, and am not one completely.

I will say that i have been sad when either someone or myself let's things get out of hand and it digresses to a low point, but i try hard to keep it all in perspective.

It is alway funny how John C will jump in with a pankcake take in the middle of a serious thread, but hey someone has to do it. Actually i thought Canadians ate flapjacks with there maple syrup?!?!

Crêpes, my wife had fruit / whip cream ones in Paris.

Toronto has a bunch of store front places, they sell them with fruit or ice cream this time of year. Or (YUK) peanut butter and banana.

Having pretty much no saliva peanut butter would stick with me for a week at least.

talking about crepe.......Andy Murray just got thrashed again by Nadal


ach well.....

So up there in Canadia, do you have "flapjacks"? Is it dinner or supper? DO you drink pop or soda? Is it roast beef or pot roast?

I LOVE regional stuff like this!! The first time I was in the south I went for breakfast and as soon as I sat down I had sweetened tea and a bowl of something that looked like someone had shaved so 80 grit sandpaper, which I later learned were called "grits". I am from northeast Ohio. I had NEVER seen nor heard of "grits". Pork belly... "chitlins"... knew nothing about it. Now, don't even dare take me to a soul food restaurant on your dime... jambalaya, red beans and rice, catfish, cornbread... give me mass quantities of all of the above. In fact because of this post I am going to the cajun restaurant in Kent tonight. Not only do they have great cajun food but my dear friend is playing there and I get to see her too!!

Never made pot roast up in Maine. Fair amount of pot brownies though.

I gained 4 pounds in 5 days visiting Bah Hahbah Maine!!! I must have eaten 6 lobstah rolls a day and probably a whole pie. And then a huge lobstah for dinner. I totally loved it up there but I will take a guess as to how brutal winter must be right on the ocean.

One night the lobstah I had for dinner... the claw was as big as my palm. Weighted almost 8 pounds, so however much of that ends up debris, that's how much I ate that night.

I LOVE geographic and regional foods and customs an such. 2 years ago I went to New Mexico for 5 days of vacation and had 2 lunches and 2 dinners every day because I didn't want to miss ONE Mexican restaurant.

But boy did we steer this off topic....

True enough that the written word does not allow us to see a look in the eye or hear inflection in the voice... and it is easy to misinterpret sarcasm or misread intent from black letter on white background. I hope the fences were able to be mended and all is well.

Richard,

I’d like to apologize for my posts and comments to you last night on the forum. It was bad manners and bad judgment on my part. I obviously read more into your comments than I should have and reacted poorly.

You have my apologies, and for whatever it’s worth, … they are sincere.

Bob, since you put it so you graciously, it never happened. There is nothing to forgive. (Just to make certain, this is complete and unconditional acceptance of your apology.) Let's get to know each other better.

Richard

Well, this makes my day fellows.

I am so glad I didn't have to chime in like someones mother, or the forum police and shake the both of yous for this silliness. Although, god knows you both (and several others) needed it. There is some great fellowship which actually occurs here in this forum based on our combined interest in music making and BIAB. One sour note could jepordize that, and that would have been a shame.

So your mothers would be proud of you. Now lets get back to all enjoying each others company in this forum.

And for goodness sake please read this with the sense of humor and/or sincere goodwill with which it was written. Hey, I think I will add that to my signature.

Richard,

I appreciate your acceptance and hope that we can get to know each other better. We probably have more in common than we realize since we're really not that far apart geographically.

I used to spend a lot of time in the region where GA, NC and TN meet. Back in my younger, wilder days I used to go to that area once or twice a year to kayak and canoe the Chattooga, Ocoee, Tellico, Nantahala and French Broad rivers. (I'm sure I left out a few rivers in the list).

It's a very beautiful area with great whitewater, mountain biking, BBQ, buttermilk pie, peaches and boiled peanuts! I miss it. Great fun & great eatin' with a heapin' helpin' of southern hospitalty!

It has been my experience that a person can say almost ANYTHING in an open forum, as long as it is phrased in a way that maintains the dignity of all parties involved in the discussion.

For example, saying "only a fool sees it that way... " denigrates the person who expressed the opinion under scrutiny, and therefore you can bet a fight will start.

However, if the statement went something like "there are several schools of thought on that topic... and the one I adhere to goes like this..." you can say your piece, and the introduction implies that the other person's opinion is also held by many other people.

Messing with people's dignity is bad juju. A well-known psychological study was conducted in which people were put in various situations where their dignity was violated. Some of the time it was in private, and some of the time it was in front of others. The study showed that people sometimes overlook a slight made in private, but a public slight almost always leads to some face-saving reaction, usually unpleasant and sometimes even violent.

Communication is necessary in society. We need to let people know where we stand on issues, even controversial ones. The trick is in doing it in a way that is respectful of each other.