Hi Danny,

This composition is absolutely sensational. The melody, harmony, and your performance are a perfect fit for the lyrics. I heard these lyrics as a wonderfully sensitive treatment of dementia or Alzheimer's disease. They are incredibly well written. I agree with David in that I don't how the to and fro of conversation could be better treated. How it's been done is very effective.

You asked for some suggestions ...

One thing that I can think of that might help to make the hook pop out a little more is to use what poets call a spondee (a metrical foot that consists of two long syllables - like "Some-where" in "Somewhere Over The Rainbow")

To explain ...

Presently, the phrase "But two hearts in love" has the "But two" occurring on beat 4½ and "hearts" on beat 1 of the next bar. To my ears, the rushed singing of "But two" seemed to take a bit of juice out of the power of the phrase. What I'd try is to put "but" on beat 4½ and then spread the hook out over two bars. (Please see the diagram below that attempts to explain what I mean.) Having a pause after "love" will work fine because the phrase "Two hearts in love" does not sound complete and aches to be ended; the listener will wait and the payoff is all the more sweet because of the wait!



NOTE: I've tried to align the beats and half-beats with the appropriate syllable.

This will probably require adding an extra bar to the chorus. If that results in making the chorus an uneven number of bars, don't worry about it as that will help add to the emotional intensity of the song. (A great of example of how odd-bar sections can increase emotional intensity is The Beatles song, "Yesterday". The verse sections of this song are 7 bars long.)

Hope these thoughts provide a springboard for inspiration
Noel

MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2025