Baz,

You are off to a great start! Other than the very solid hints listed above I'd add that I would like to hear a little more stretch/edge in the vocals and maybe by choosing a higher key that would force you to stretch for some of those notes. What that should do is punctuate the melody a bit more by adding more expression to your phrasing.

You done good! Keep up the good work and of course keep posting your work here.

PS: Don't make that girl cry . . . I can tell from the song it rips you a new one.

Later,