David,

I liked this version a LOT! The changeup between verses made a big difference!

regarding the transition to the second verse, to my ears the only thing that sounds wrong is that the mandolin fades out too abruptly... if you allow the mandolin to fade out over a longer period as the second verse phases in, the transition will be more natural.

When you transitioned to the third verse, you did exactly that... you gradually brought in the instruments that would be predominant in that verse so that when the verse started they were already playing... that worked very well for my sensibilities!

I don't know if you used the chords that usually go with this song, or if you tweaked them, but what you used sure did sound good with the melody