This is a great start that just needs a little polish IMHO.

I agree with Robb about that hold at 2:21 . If you want to stop there I would dump the guitar lead in and replace it with drums.

I would also work on the mix. On my system your vox was much louder than the backing tracks and it was heavy on the right side. I would put the vox more in the center and bring up the backing tracks to just under the vox level. This is just my opinion and other may or may not agree.

However I do think you have a gem here and I would definitely keep working on it.

Whenever I get something stuck in the back of my throat, I dislodge it by drinking a beer.
It's called the Heineken Maneuver.

64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware