David,

I think you may have forgotten the lyrics and melody of "Cocaine", by Eric Clapton.

Substitute "Rogaine" for "Cocaine".

Your lyrics don't work.

Try something like:

"If your beanie is bald and you're ... far short from tall, ... Rogaine!
If the oil on your scalp, ... can fry a baby cow, ... Rogaine".

Etc, LOL.