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Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 348
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 348 |
Hey guys,
Below are lyrics to a song I've been working on for a couple of days.
Can't decide if the hook should be "Where Does It go" or "Where did It go?"
I guess Where Did It Go fits the lyric a bit better, but Where does It Go fits more in line with what I'm asking in this song.
Which is, where does love go when it's gone.
Any ways, any comments or suggestions are welcome.
I'm working on 2 different arrangements for this one.
One in a major key, and one in a minor key.
Haven't decided which one sounds better yet.
Lyric:
Where does it go
Tim Lawrence 2012.
I close my eyes
and try and let you go
but you're always there
in my heart and soul
you move through my dreams
just like a restless wind
kickin' up those autumn leaves
before they settle in
C:
So where does it go
and where has it been
when did it stop
I can't remember when
and what was it all for
'cause in the end
where does it go
and where has it been
V:
Remember when we first met
you couldn't get enough\
when just the touch of my hand
would start you're engine up
but now you love Like I'm payin'
and others are waitin' in line
and I'm just another customer
who's taken up your time
(C)
Break:
Bridge:
Some have to travel just to see what's left behind
but all I gotta do, is to look into those empty eyes
(c)
Tim
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,116
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Expert
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,116 |
Quote:
and try and let you go
You should change the second "and" to "to".
Keith
2026 Audiophile Windows 11 RYZEN THREADRIPPER 3960X 4.5GHZ 128 GB RAM 2 Nvidia RTX 3090s, Vegas,Acid,SoundForge,Izotope Production,Melodyne Studio,SONAR,3 Raven Mtis
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Veteran
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Tim.
Definitely sounds like minor key to me - I'm having trouble imagining those lyrics to anything else. As far as the hook goes, I'd sing whatever scans the best.
ROG.
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Joined: Jan 2007
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 385 |
"Where does it go?" Sounds a little too much like my first sexual experience.
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Posts: 1,815 |
What genre is it for? The reason I ask is that is mostly a "feeling" song, so it is light on concrete visual images and events. Since country is big on that type of lyrical construction, it might not work as well in that genre.
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 348 |
Well it could have been worse, you could be asking where did it go. Lol.
Tim
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I would consider removing 'just' in all instances. Put some breaks in there in the phrasing. 'Just' doesn't really work except in the last verse. Otherwise, it's a filler word.
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 348 |
Thanks everyone for your responses.
Much appreciated.
Kevin, the genre will depend on which arrangement I end up using.
If the minor key then It's a pop/rock rendition.
Major then country.
I hear what you're saying about country being big on story and images.
There are exceptions to the rule though and more and more feeling songs light on images and story are starting to crop up in the country genre these days.
2 songs off the top of my head are
Redlight by David Nail.
Beautiful mess by diamond Rio.
Again thanks much.
Tim
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First Ain't No Love Goin' On Here Tonight and now this.
Tim, I worry about you!!
Seriously, I find it hard to comment on a lyric alone without the musical context, but this is clearly hard-hitting stuff (V2!!)
My re-write of the chorus section would read something like this:
So where does love (it) go?
What does it become?
when (why ?) did it stop
and leave me so numb?
Yes where does love (it) go?
What does it become?
when (why ?) did it stop
and leave me so numb?
..but this may or may not fit with the musical structure(s) you have in mind Tim.
Take care (and write a cheerful one some time soon!),
Marc
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Joined: Dec 2011
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 348 |
Hay Mark, LOL don't worry too much man these songs are just stories and not real life.
Yeah I too have trouble critiquing a song with out the music.
After all songs are music and words not just words.
Thanks for the chorus idea.
Tim
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