Hi again, Mick,

Before you read on, please let me state at the outset that I think your lyrics are a great first effort. After reading your work the other day, I looked back at my first set of lyrics and cringed. Your first effort is way superior than what I did.

Since your post was seeking advice, I thought I'd use your lyrics to give you a little bit of insight into how I go about working with words these days. It may or may not be useful. I'm posting it simply on the off-chance that there is a thought or two that might spark some added creativity for you.

After I re-read your work, I started playing around with Andrea Stolpe's technique of "toggling". This concept is about mixing lines of internal/philosophical detail (lines that happen within the song's character) and external detail (phrases that are outside the song's character and could be seen by an audience on the stage).

For variation, I thought I'd also employ some of Pat Pattison's theory of Stability versus Instability.

I came up with ....
    Whenever you’re next to me
    My heart skips a beat
    It's like I'm a song
    I'm in ecstasy
    Skies are blue
    When I’m with you
    My love

The AXXABBX rhyme scheme really appealed to me. It's one I rarely use but I've found it can be very effective when it works. Normally, AXXA is very unstable and, to my ear, creates a feeling of wistfulness/loss. When this is followed by the solid, stable BB couplet, though, the instability of the the first four lines seems to take on an "I'm helplessly and wonderfully in love" emotional quality for me. (One of Pattison's favourite sayings is that "lyric motion creates lyric emotion".)

Also, the "next to me" and "ecstasy" rhyme you cam up with is very clever. It definitely stood out to me.

I thought I'd follow the same pattern in the second verse. This gave me ...
    You turn me around
    You give me hope
    I used to be lost
    Now I am found
    I'm like a cup
    And you fill me up
    Whenever you’re next to me

Please feel free to ignore everything I've written They're just idle thoughts of someone who has found great pleasure in lyric writing.

All the best,
Noel

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