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Hi Mick!

.In my opinion, speaking as an English teacher and published author, I would say that this effort is only a little ways out of the 'moonjunecroon' category. I hesitate to say this because I would prefer some face time to look at meter, rhyme and word choice in close detail. This kind of reading can't happen in a forum like this.

If I could make one suggestion - a respectful one - might I suggest you look for a poetry class at a local community college or adult school. Chances are you will get a teacher who knows her stuff and loves it. Poetry is not the same as lyric writng,but you will be able to put some polish on your skills in the domains of rhythm, rhyme and figurative language. At the very least you will get the chance to get to know some of the great masters of our wonderful language.


Flatfoot sez: Call me when 'Talent-in-a-Box' is ready to ship! -- [8{>

Got some tunes on You Tube:
http://www.youtube.com/user/flatfoot50
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