I don't want to disrupt the great input to Mick's critique but I too have written my first song. Its important to me because my wife has been asking me to write a song for her for a long time. Her birthday is coming up and I would like to complete this and record it for her. I think I have a pretty good personal story and it seemed to come together fairly nicely. I would appreciate any and all comments.
The tune will be in 6/8 at around 115 BPM. Thinking kind of a Rascal Flatts feel as they have some nice songs in this time signature.

Here it is:


Beg you to stay


I stood by the bed unbelieving
As you silently gathered my clothes
I didn’t know our nights together
Had suddenly turned to alone, so alone

I built all of my plans around you
But you didn’t know who I was
Right there beside you, feel all that’s inside you
Had nothing to give but my love, all my love


My heart turned to ashes as you drove away
I stood there in silence with something to say
But the look in your eyes told me words wouldn’t help me today
Your fears were tearing you out of my life
Leaving me now would make everything right
But everything in me just wanted to beg you to stay, just stay


Hours turned to days after you drove away
It killed me to know you’re a phone call away
I cried to the sun and the stars and the walls
But nothing helped fade you away, far away


My heart turned to ashes as you drove away
I stood there in silence with something to say
But the look in your eyes told me words wouldn’t help me today
Your fears were tearing you out of my life
Leaving me now would make everything right
But everything in me just told me to beg you to stay, please stay


Then I saw you that day from far down the hall
And I knew by the look in your eyes
That our love was something you could not deny
And you found the courage to fly, just fly



I rose from the ashes when you drove back that day
I stood there in silence with no words to say
But the look in your eyes told me words just weren’t needed today
Our love was bringing you back to my life
Coming back now would make everything right
Then there in the rain I said baby I beg you to stay



I rose from the ashes when you drove back that day
I stood there in silence with no words to say
But the look in your eyes told me words just weren’t needed today
Our love was bringing you back to my life
Coming back now would make everything right
Then there in the rain I said baby I beg you to stay…please stay

Todd