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Joined: Nov 2012
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OP
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Posts: 89 |
If thisin here, doesn't get a few nods hereabouts, then I'd say I should seriously consider packing it in, and start looking for a day job.. I played very little on this, just the guitar fills, the rest, is BIAB. When You Were No One When I met you at the Bluebird Cafe, You had just come off that open mic stage, You had a voice like an angel, The way you sang them pretty love songs. We hit it off so well that night, My heart was taken in by candlelight. And I knew we'd be together, forever, Before too long. It was plain for everyone to see, You were a star, it was your destiny. So when the big time hit, You had to answer the call. I was happy just to see you smile, And I knew we'd put our love on trial, But I thought we'd be together, forever, through it all. When you were no one, I was your man. When you were no one, we had a plan. We'd be together, it'd be enough, When you were no one, we had love. And it's right, that you should shine for the all the world to see, But in that light, you lost your way, it was too much for me. Well, you made it where you wanted to be, You're a darling of the CMTV, And you look just like an angel up there, singing pretty love songs. Now I just sit here in this old cafe, but the music seems so far away. But if I can get get just drunk enough, maybe I'll sing along. When you were no one, I was your man. When you were no one, we had a plan. We'd be together, it'd be enough, When you were no one, we had love. When you were no one, we had love. ----
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,207
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Expert
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 1,207 |
Hi pariahdise, I really, really like this song. I have listened to it 3 times now. I don't usually comment on songs unless they are a little different from the norm and this song fits that. The story is good, the lyrics are good, I like it. Well done  I for one would be disappointed if you gave up your song writing. Go Get 'em Regards George
Windows 11 64 bit, Biab 2026 (1237), Realband 2026 (10)
i7 Desktop Computer 16Gb Memory
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pariahdise,
This is a very clever idea/story for a song. So the first question is... did you really fall in love with someone you met at the Bluebird? And did she go on to become a star?
The chorus is great. So is the "bridge".
You did not "ask for suggestions", but I will risk it anyway (and feel free to ignore me on this...). In your last verse, you sing
"You're a darling of the CMTV".
Since the station is actually CMT, there is no need for the "V". And instead of having her being "a darling" (meaning "one of the darlings"), if she was "the darling", she would be "the top darling". So the line would become
"You're the darling of CMT",
and it would fit the cadence of you melody, without any "extra syllables".
Likewise (in terms of the cadence of your melody),
"But if I can get just drunk enough, maybe I'll sing along"
could be
"But if I get drunk enough, I might sing along"
Again, just suggestions. Ignore, rinse, repeat.
Anyway... I liked it.
floyd
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I really liked the overall idea of the song "when you were no one"..And I especially liked the break in the middle..good off-setting segment, then a return to the "familiar' part of the song. Keep working on this, I think you can polish what is already a very good song!
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What a great story your song is.
I really enjoyed the sounds and the whole premise
of your music.
As George mentioned above, great job, hang in there.
Thanks for sharing.
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Posts: 613
Journeyman
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Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 613 |
Good story, good song! I liked it. One thing... The background vocal seems a little hot to me, I'd back that off some, at times it's louder than the lead vocal.
Greg
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OP
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Quote:
Good story, good song! I liked it. One thing... The background vocal seems a little hot to me, I'd back that off some, at times it's louder than the lead vocal.
Greg
A good thing about this forum is that I can post a song before I have it perfected to the best of my ability and then use the suggestions here to make it better. I fully expected I would need to polish this one further all day today, and that the harmonies - would be a good place to start. Not to mention, the lead vocal as well could be a bit better. So, thanks to those who have offered their opinions. I assumed that I did not need to ask for criticisms or suggestions, being that this is the reason I post here. I don't mind such things at all, and am even willing to change a lyric upon a suggestion if it makes sense to me.
I should have put a smiley next to my statement about 'packing it in', I know I am the type of songwriter or recording artist who will get as mush silence on a given submission here as I do 'thumbs up' on another.
No, I did not meet anyone at the Bluebird who went on to be a star, but I am sure there has been or is someone sitting in the establishment as I write, who has lost someone they loved to the glare of the spotlight. It's the kind of thing that human nature makes inevitable.
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Whilst this is a good song and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, I still prefer the style you got with "Key Of A". I also listened to "Go" and I really think this type of music suits you better and is more original than this song.
Of course, this is only my opinion, but I really loved "Key Of A" and I'd like to think there was more to come in that flavor.
Keep rocking.
ROG.
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Hi pariahdise,
I compliment you on all the time and effort that must have gone into this song. Ever since the days of Cat Steven's "Father and Son", I've always liked songs that have sections in different octaves.
Keep up the good work.
All the best,
Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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