A man goes to his doctor and says, "Doctor, I feel like a $10 note."
The doctor said, "Go shopping. The change will do you good."
==========================================================================================
Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"
=======================================================================================
Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off.
I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the dark!" says Murphy.
=========================================================================================

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair.

He said that in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
=========================================================================================
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."