Enjoyed your post, as always. This time, I laughed so hard, had to wipe the tears from my eyes. Add a little reverb and chorus, and post Star Spangled Banner, when you are ready. . . Wonder how you are going to put your mic placement though. Probably 3 feet back and left of center.
I'm sure there will be an AIR of excitement when this post appears.
Oh yes, good luck on the lap steel.
Gene