Hi! I haven't posted any music here yet, but I've written and composed a bunch of songs that are more or less finished. Anyway, although I consider myself pretty good at English it's not my native tongue so I'd appreciate if any of you native speakers could help me out with some lines. I know it's not uncommon for lyrics to be grammatically incorrect, but I don't want to have any lines that sound completely strange for native speakers.

Song 1:
I’m looking at the ticket
taking me away
But every time I look
it says another day

Question: Does line 2 work? What I really want to say is "that will take me away", but that's too many syllables to fit in nicely.

Song 2:
One day she never came
Nobody gave a thought
but later we would know
the thing we won’t forget

Question: Does line 2 work, even though it ordinarily is supposed to be followed by "to..." or "about..."?


Feel free to check out my music: https://www.youtube.com/@alexanderpaulmusic