This is one way I might do it.

Quote:

I’m looking at the ticket
taking me away
But every time I look
it says another day

Question: Does line 2 work? What I really want to say is "that will take me away", but that's too many syllables to fit in nicely.




I'm looking at the ticket
That will carry me away
But every time I look it seems
To say another day

Quote:

One day she never came
Nobody gave a thought
but later we would know
the thing we won’t forget

Question: Does line 2 work, even though it ordinarily is supposed to be followed by "to..." or "about..."?



One day we didn't see her
We wondered what it meant
But later in the day we'd know
The thing we won't forget

You need to balance the "pulses" (accents, punches....) in the "mirror" lines. 1 and 3, 2 and 4.... so there is a symmetrical flow to it. Remember that some of these will be "contracted" to where more than one syllable will go on a beat, but again, flow and symmetry.