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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 604
Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 604 |
English is not my native tongue and so I need some advice on these lyrics:
(the tune is up tempo sixties style if the tune is neccesary I may post it)
It was back, back in good old days
back when people danced a smile was true and laughter ruled
let's go back into good old days
back when life was great and beat was young and never blue
Though the papers brought some bad news there was always a smiling face
and though the rain was pouring the sun could almost be felt
It was back, back in good old days
back when people danced a smile was true and laughter ruled
let's go back into good old days
back when life was great and beat was young and never blue
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330 |
As a UK English speaker, I think perhaps the tune and maybe even someone singing the lyrics would be a help.
However the reason for saying all that is the need to know if there is room within the melody for a couple of the words "The" in various places.
An example is the first line would benefit from a "the" as in
It was back, back in "the" good old days.
Not so much being grammatically correct, rather the need to add meaning to the line.
Otherwise, a good few lines and is obviously the start of a good song, maybe telling a story?
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913
Veteran
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Veteran
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 7,913 |
Native Midwestern American English speaker here.
One other small change I would make is:
Instead of "Let's go back into good old days"
try
"Let's go back to the good old days"
I'm also not sure what you mean by this line:
"back when life was great and beat was young and never blue"
'and beat was young and never blue' - do you mean "and the beat was young and never blue"?
The definite article, 'the' might be missing.
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Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 604 |
I have an early version of my tune, though the English probably is gibberish it may give you a clue where I'm aiming to go, and maybe you could give me some valuable hints: https://soundcloud.com/kierbye1/back-in-good-old-days
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 604
Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
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Posts: 604 |
Hope you haven't given up on me :-)
I mean to tell how much the old sixties, vinyl, 45 RPM days mean to me, so here goes:
It was back, back in good old days
back when pop was young and life was great and never dull
let's go back to the vinyl days
for a little while let’s all relive those happy times
Maybe the papers brought some bad news but there was always a smiling face
and though the rain was pouring the sun could almost be felt
it was back, back in the vinyl days
find your 45’s let’s all relive those carefree times
Solo
Maybe the papers brought some bad news but there was always a smiling face
and though the rain was pouring the sun could almost be felt
let’s go back, back to good old days
put on a 45 let’s all relive those carefree times
let's go back to the vinyl days
for a little while let’s all relive those happy times
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,114
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 1,114 |
Drop the second "back" in you first line and make it " It was back in the good old days". Same phrasing but makes more sense.
Keith
2026 Audiophile Windows 11 RYZEN THREADRIPPER 3960X 4.5GHZ 128 GB RAM 2 Nvidia RTX 3090s, Vegas,Acid,SoundForge,Izotope Production,Melodyne Studio,SONAR,3 Raven Mtis
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 827
Expert
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Expert
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 827 |
Instead of let’s go back, back to good old days,
how about let’s go back, back to fine old days,
rhymes with vinyl days.
Chris
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Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 604 |
Nice, that's the kind of hints I like :-)
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Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
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Posts: 604 |
And thanks to you all, those corrections help a lot
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Posts: 604 |
I have made a few alterations in my lyrics in accordance with your suggestions, will you please look the lyrics over once Again :-)
It was back - in the good old days
D - F#m - G - A D - F#m -G
back when pop was young and life was great and never dull
A D F#m Dm A D - G -D
let's go back - to the fine old days
for a little while let’s all relive those happy times
Though the papers brought some bad news there was always a smiling face
G A D Em Bm
and though the rain was falling the sun could almost be felt
Gm Em A
it was back - in the vinyl days
find your 45’s let’s all relive those carefree times
Solo
Though the papers brought some bad news there was always a smiling face
and though the rain kept pouring the sun could almost be felt
let’s go back - to the fine old days
put on a 45 let’s all relive those carefree times
let's go back - to the vinyl days
for a little while let’s all relive those happy times
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330
Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 330 |
That is looking good, so long as it all fits the melody, you have a song to be proud of now.
Nev.
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Journeyman
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OP
Journeyman
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Posts: 604 |
Hi Nev!
So glad for your comments and suggestions, you have been most helpful!
Strat.
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