I haven't heard the original so I can't judge about the sibilances, since you corrected it. That is, I hardly hear the s's anymore, which might be a bit too drastic. They sound like lisping s's now. I don't know if you did those corrections over the whole song by now, but I think most the sibilances lost all "character", which is a pity.

The song on it's own is not bad, it is nice to listen to, although a bit more variation in the singing lines might make it a bit more exciting.

I'll be back...