Hi Kevin,
Quote:

the verses really don't hang together that well with the chorus


To my ears, the verses and chorus have the potential to hang together REALLY well. It wouldn't take too much tweaking. The chorus is great metaphorically and the way you use angels and devils to symbolise fire and rain (verse 1) and personal internal turmoil (verse 2) makes the chorus gain emotional intensity really well. Then the big what-is-the-meaing-of-life bridge adds even more emotional weight. I thought the lyrics developed very strongly.

I'm with Josie in that the line "acrid fumes of pine I smell" took me out of the song for a bit. I think it was because the first two lines set up a raging bushfire in my mind (we get lots of those here in Australia) and your lines were brilliant at creating that image. The third line didn't seem to advance the fear and panic associated with a raging fire that necessitated the urgent plea "Oh holy rain from heaven ... etc." In this regard, line 3 felt a little anticlimactic to me. Maybe that's just me. For what it's worth, and I only mention this because it might inspire something (if you need inspiring, that is), my take on these lines is ...
    fires burning in the woods out back
    crackling flames belch a smokey black
    fumes of pine sting and smell
    Oh holy rain from heaven
    please beat back the fires from hell

As Floyd has said, there are excellent images throughout these lyrics. I have no doubt that Pat would be really pleased with what you've done. In my opinion, this song has a great deal of potential to be something outstanding.

I'm with Floyd ... more please.

All the best,
Noel

P.S. I also really liked the hook!