nice song, I like it.

You know I'm kind of a stickler for structure and such things.

V2 and V1 don't match,,,, I'd call V2 more of a bridge. Yeah, I'd move the break further back or eliminate it and write a real second verse that has the same melody as V1.

This is a song that has some nice potential in it.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.