ah yes.... I agree with Kemmrich. I had no idea where the verses ended and the choruses (were there any?) began.

Where you hit the SHORT GUITAR BREAK.... there should have been an easily identifiable verse and a chorus before it..... however, it sounded like perhaps 3 verses(?) and part of something else that sounded too much like everything else.

For the most part, country, rock, bluegrass, and many other genre's of music have certain structure to them. Verses and choruses for the most part that are easy to hear and you know without a doubt that you are in the chorus or the verse. I found myself constantly asking what part of the song is this?

In a song, the verses are one part of the song that tells the story as you mentioned, and moves the song along. This is done well by the writing you have here. However, there is an apparent lack of a chorus. The chorus needs to be easy to hear... the listener should know it just went to the chorus. The chorus needs a different melody, perhaps a different chord progression and the energy level and groove should be stronger, higher, and solid.

The hook/title of the song YOU'LL BE CRYING FOR MY LOVE AT NIGHT should be in the chorus and probably no place else in the song.... especially in the verses. It should slam the idea home.... and hook the listener with a memorable melody line.

It would be easier to comment and digest the lyrics in more detail if they were written out on a single page as opposed to viewing them one line at a time in the video.

I think you have a good idea here and with a bit of effort, mainly a rewrite of a solid, unique chorus, the song could be really well written. Boil the verses down to the best story line possible and cap them with a chorus with that hook and let it tie them all together.

It reminds me of Tom Petty in more than a few places.

This advice is given with respect for you and in what you have written and hopes that it is encouraging and useful to you.



Last edited by Guitarhacker; 10/08/13 06:44 AM.
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