Being in a band is like being married without the sex. You have the intimate family relationship without the intimate contact.

In the bands that I've been in that have had female members, the rule was "No hanky panky - hands off" to both. It's the only way that will work. Even if the members are homosexual, the same rule should apply.

In the two bands that I was in with female members, the guys ended up being like big brothers to the girls and tried to protect them (sometimes a bit too much).

As far as wives are concerned, the first time a wife interferes, even if it's just a little bit, it's time for a band meeting and to nip that in the bud. In the bands I've been in, all wife (or other non-band partner), suggestions can be made to the band member they are mated with, in private, and if the suggestion is worthy, the band member can bring it up at a band meeting or rehearsal.

There are a lot of pitfalls and a lot of joy to being in a full band, and to avoid the problems the rules should be set out and agreed upon up front. And when a problem occurs, it should be nipped in the bud and not let go to extremes.

Of course, great tact is involved in bringing up problems to the floor as you don't want to start a shouting match.

I played in a road band for a few years, the one that almost got signed to Motown, and the rules were set up front by a more experienced member of the group who confronted those problems before. During the years we were together, two of us got married, and the wives were never a problem. Neither was the female member of the band. What eventually broke the band up was when Motown quit talking to us because our lawyers expected us to actually get a piece of the potential profits instead of working for what would amount to union scale.

I've been in other bands that make Internet flame wars seem like a child's game in comparison. Those are the bands I left.

If you plan to join a band, the think you need to remember is, what we do is called playing music. It should be serious fun, but if it isn't fun and playful, it's not worth it.

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Bob "Notes" Norton smile Norton Music
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