I kinda actually like the sound of the vocals.... you can hear the small room ambiance in them.

Not a bad song, but it can use some work. Since you posted this as a WIP rough draft..... I will comment on something that caught my attention. This is from a writing perspective, not a recording perspective.

The use of the non-root bass throughout the song became a bit tedious to me. The non-root bass is a very useful and creative tool. I hear it used alot in CCM. Try to use it for tension but that tension needs to be released from time to time. At some point, and it should be fairly predictable, the bass needs to hit the root in the right places to release that tension and satisfy the ear. I don't recall that happening often enough.

Song structure is lacking. What I mean here is the verses don't lead into a chorus. At the end of the verses I was waiting and expecting it to go "to the next level" and it never did. There were 12+ measures of instrumental. I would have a look at writing a solid energetic chorus that follows the verses and ties the verses together with a nice hook. Later in the song, something like a chorus, more like a bridge showed up 2x. Perhaps take that and use it to write a chorus.


Overall song length was a bit too much.... close to 6 minutes....I know it's hard to say get to the meat of the issue and get it said and done in 3 to 3:30 minutes but cutting it down will make it much more interesting and force you to eliminate the unnecessary. Start by losing the long instrumental breaks. Let verse one go into a chorus or directly into V2. V2 should immediately go into the chorus if you haven't been there already. short instrumental turn around of 8 measures max then hit the chorus again or if needed, a V3 and CH to the end.

Of course this is all my opinion and you are free to totally disregard anything and everything I say as the ramblings of someone who "doesn't understand your creative process".....

If nothing else, shorten it to 4 minutes max and see what that does for the song.


Just my 2 cents.

Last edited by Guitarhacker; 06/27/14 06:11 AM.
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