Jeff,

I like this song. It's unique. Too long? Maybe that's how long it had to be. That's your call. Is “Hotel California” 'too long'? No; that's how long it needed to be.


“Song structure” is a bogus construct. This is a work of art, not a garage addition. Conforming to accepted song forms only leads to a boring sameness. Verse,verse, chorus, verse, bridge, chorus and end, ad nauseum. Rinse and repeat.

I think this is quite well done. I don't think you need anyone to tell you how to write.


Regards,

Bob