Originally Posted By: Noel96
Hi Josie,

I don't know what you've done with Reaper but this sounds as professional as anything I've heard; absolutely terrific!

Your singing is top notch and the musical arrangement is perfectly suited to the style.

From a lyric perspective, there are some technical devices you've used which caused me to raise my eyebrows and think, "Oh, that's clever".

My first eyebrow raise was on the use of opposites, "light" and "dark", in a single sentence. This is always a strong technique.

Then my eyebrows shot up again on the verb "swirl". This is such a great choice of verb because it creates an image with just a single word. I have to say that by the end of the first line, you've given us some very strong pictures - light, dark, swirling - that are very effective at pulling the listener into your lyric!

  • I've just re-read Andrea Stolpe's book, 10 Steps To Effective Storytelling, for the umpteenth time and step 9 of her process is to read through the lyrics and look at verbs that might be empowered by a better choice of word that creates an image of some kind.

    Quote:
    Imagine if you'd said "... and problems come around". To my ears, the lyric impact of the line would be seriously depleted. "Swirl" is a perfect choice!


The next time my eyebrows arched was when I heard the rhyme "will" and "faithful". What a great use of consonance rhyme. Although consonance provides the weakest link of all rhyme-types, you've shown how to use it very effectively. Because will/faithful is placed at the end of the chorus, it leaves the listener hanging and reflecting on what you sang. Musically, you capitalise on this by providing the listener with a 2-bar interlude that gives time for reflection before verse 2 starts. Perfect!

I also found myself admiring the way that you used a refrain, "But He never fails to show me", at the end of each verse as a trigger into the chorus.

All in all, it's definitely a hearty applause for everything from me.



All the best,
Noel



Noel,

I appreciate that very much. So glad you liked the sound.

And how sweet of you to take the time for such an interesting lyric analysis.

Thank you,

Josie

Youtube Channel
Soundcloud