I took your advice and turned it up! It plays well at a higher volume... (Ah tapped mah feet and EVAHthang!)
1) I liked the rhyme between SISTER and MISSED HER
2) at the end I liked the way you synched the drum hits with the overdriven guitar chords... (how did you create that drum part?)
3) I notice your intro works as a recurring riff that could be a signature passage
4) One of the things I have trouble with is deciding how to deviate the pattern in the middle without having it sound like the same chords in a different order. But this changeup sounded great! It was quite a bit different than the rest of the song, but it didn't sound contrived at all. In my experience, its not easy to find that happy medium.
5) I also liked the passages where you broke up the heavy beat with something a bit lighter . Whether you intended it or not, it provides a break from the adrenaline and keeps the song from wearying the senses.
6) and in spite of the fact that the song has a down & dirty aspect to it, it poses a fairly responsible question to the people living out the song. I kinda wasn't expecting that, but I liked it.
7) in fact, after reading your lyrics on the computer screen, I'd have to say they really "kick ASCII"
8) oh, and Janice wasn't in this project, so you're gonna get inundated by the whole enchilada of praise without having any of it redirected to the mountains of Georgia!

(and you deserve every.single.bit.of.it!)