Just had a listen...

Started with the newest version.... this has a classic sound that someone commented makes it hard to give a new feel because it's so dated.

Then listened to the first attempt. Loved it the best. It had a better vibe that didn't feel as locked in and dated but more of a blues feel that still retains the classic sound of the era without being so dated.

Good song. The levels of the mix were extremely low so it's really hard to comment on the mix due to the mix not being finished in that regard.

On the writing, and of course, all the crits on writing the lyrics are simply my personal opinion. So please don't get twisted out of shape over these comments.

I like the idea... it's been used before but your take is a good one. I didn't like the use of the same words repeated in the same verse for rhymes. That's the lazy way out when writing. Be creative. Seek other words to rhyme. (the word in question is: again) I almost caught myself repeating a word in a song recently. It was in a different verse.... but still my personal rule of thumb is "use it one time and it's done". I went in and made the change to a different phrase after some thought.

Your title doesn't show up in the song lyrics where one expects the title to be. In this case, at the end of the chorus is where I was feeling it needed to be. That's the hook. That's where we expect to hear the title. However, in this song, the title never occurs in the chorus at all. It only shows up in the first and third verses. A listener should be able to tell you the title of the song after one listen without previously knowing the name of the song. I doubt anyone would have guessed the title correctly by listening.

I'm not personally a big fan of "stone drunk again" anywhere it shows up in the song. Again.... IMHO.... that's lazy writing. You can think of something that fits and works better and takes it to a different place. It might take some thought and time.... but it's possible.

All that aside.... yeah, I like the original first version the best.

Good job.

You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.