Hi Lawrence,

As often seems to be the case these days, I'm late to the party! That being said, though, I'm really glad I didn't miss it!

This is an excellent song and a terrific testimony to your ability as a songwriter, as an arranger and as a performer. "Skillful, skillful writing" jumped into my head somewhere around mid-verse 1 and it never left.

The rhyme 'once again'/'drunk again' is truly inspired writing. I'm a fan of these three syllable feminine rhymes and I envy anyone who can discover them and use them with such apparent ease.

I read through Herb's post above and I found it interesting that he heard the use of 'again' as over-done from a rhyming perspective. When I look at the lyrics written out, I can see where he's coming from but, for what it's worth, I didn't hear these lyrics the same and 'again' didn't standout as over-used to my ears.

For me, the journey of rhyme was ...

  • once again / drunk again (where once/drunk is the rhyme)
  • stoned / alone
  • do / do / lose
  • (how) long / (carry) on
  • rain / pain / again
  • remain / same / change
  • do / you

Interspersing the feminine rhyme 'once again'/'drunk again' with the masculine rhyme of 'stoned'/'alone' worked for me. It also made it possible for the last couple of lines of this section not to rhyme. I thought that this was a very clever way to draw attention to the title.

I also liked the lyric amplification you created when you sang 'I'm thinking' and then repeated it with 'I'm thinking of you'. This, too, draws attention to the title.

To my ears, this song had the feel of AABA format. That got me thinking and I found myself wondering about what the song would sound like if you ran headlong from the repeat of the B-section and straight into a repeat of the back half of the first A-section. This would also allow a repeat of that clever 3-syllable feminine rhyme. Lyrically this seems to work but whether or not it does musically is another thing altogether.

I've set out your lyrics below to help try and explain what I mean (hope you don't mind). To assist my brain, I've phrased the words as I heard them sung.

Quote:

A1
Well I’m stoned
Drunk again
Walking home alone
Once again
And I’m thinking
I’m thinking of you

A2
And I try
yes I do
To control
the things I do
But you’re like a vice
That I just can’t lose

B
And I wonder just how long I can survive, carry on
It’s like a cold, cold rain that never washes away the pain
That thunder calls and I’m stone drunk again

A3
So I remain
The same
Night after night
I never change
There’s nothing I can do
To keep my self from thinking of you

B + some A1
And I wonder just how long I can survive, carry on
It’s like a cold, cold rain that never washes away the pain
That thunder calls and I’m stone drunk again
Walking home alone
Once again
And I’m thinking
I’m thinking of you


Lastly, using 8-bar A-sections and 12-bar B-sections (if my counting is correct) was a great way to give this song a quasi-12-bar-blues feel. That's the sort of thing Bud would do, too! Excellent writing musically and lyrically.

I'm in the minority because, while I liked both versions, I really liked the second version and the 12/8 feel. As others have noted, this is reminiscent of the Platters in some ways (and the 50s in general) and modern in other ways. Maybe that's why it appealed.

Now I'm off hunting for more songs of yours that I might have missed smile I seem to recall something about a samba...

All the best,
Noel



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