Tommy,

Nice song. I like the groove. There's very little not to like about this. It moves along nicely and has a cool story line in it. I like the grittiness in your vocals. Phrasing is excellent and nice lyrical craftsmanship contribute to a well played song.

I would like to comment a bit the production and structure. Keep in mind that what I say here is simply and totally MY opinion on what could be done with a little bit of effort in the editing room. I think it would give you a nicer way to end the song.


2:11 you start the final chorus...at 2:44 you repeat it... then at 3:15 you kick into the solo......and solo to the end. Soloing to the end.... 16 or so measures, kinda lets the energy dissipate as it goes towards the ending. You wanna keep the energy high right up to the final note.

3:34.... would be a perfect place to hit the chorus for a final time, however doing so might take it over 4 minutes in length. That may or may not be an issue. You;ll lose 8 measures of the solo so that might keep you in the same total time..... or close.

Personally, I would take this to the editor and restructure the song slightly.... hit the final approach to the end with the chorus as you do at 2:11.... at the end of that, go into that cool solo.... but cut it a bit shorter...make it 8 measures to be precise.... that gives you the perfect place to go back to a final vocal chorus.... tag the chorus and end the song in a buttoned ending with a held chord. I would even look at slowing it down into the hold.....a one measure slowdown to the held chord would be killer. Make it a serious slowdown.

....If you tag it... sing the last line of the full chorus like you do now.... use that melody that ends on an upward movement....and on the last tagged line of the last chorus, take the last notes down... not up. Combined with a slow down, and the notes going down, that would be an amazing ending to the song.

This ^^^^^^ is nit picking..... It's a great song as-is and I'd have been proud to have written it...so rock on Tommy!!

Last edited by Guitarhacker; 05/17/15 07:17 AM.
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