Originally Posted By: c_fogle
I enjoyed my listen of your song. Good choice of Realtracks and the vocals fit very well in the mix. Good job all around.


Charlie


Thanks Charlie for having a listen and your kind comments, wanted a gritty rock vocal for this one and to be honest I feel mine doesn't do the job.
Thanks again.

Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
They say there’s a God up above,
And he’s looking down on me with love,
But there’s a devil and she’s down here below,
She’s showing me a new and a different way to go

That verse could get you in a lot of trouble with the feminists. For my part, I very much enjoyed the song!! I feel it is very natural sounding with some nice heartfelt stuff in it. I like the feel of the vocal and the mix in general, although a little reverb on the vocal might be nice. This has a cool feel. Keep posting!! Take care. Greg


Hey Greg thanks for listening, trouble from a feminists lobby is last thing I need, good job its not going to get many views on youtube smile probably would tell them to substitute a he for a she in that section.

As you say probably better to have more reverb on the vocals.

Thanks again

Originally Posted By: gibson
I enjoyed that a lot, it was almost hypnotic, in a nice way.

great rts and what sounded like the occasional doubling of the vocal was great.

Good to hear your accent shine through

A good listen

Alyn


Hey Alyn,

Great to hear that you had a listen, and no doubt the accent brought back some memories from your old haunts when you frequented North London. Still learning this stuff with lots of inspiration from your songs.

Thanks
Originally Posted By: Rob4580
Hello musiclover.
Found this an interesting write.
Great lyrics.
I feel you may need to try this in another key.
Over all very well done.
Rob


Hello Rob thanks for listening, Believe me I have tried this in a few different keys, what it really needs is a different singer....:)

Visited your soundcloud page recently and was blown away by how many songs you have there, you sure turn out the hits on a regular basis.
Thanks again


Originally Posted By: JosieC
Hi Musiclover. I enjoyed the listen and the video. Well done.


Thanks a lot Josie for taking the time to listen, really enjoy your stuff too especially that "fancy underear" song. Hope everything goes well for you in your "Save the Rhino" campaign.

Originally Posted By: Noel96
Musiclover,

This is great! My favourite lines are...

Quote:

I wonder if there’s life on mars,
I wonder if somewhere amongst the stars there’s an answer

That's a very sophisticated rhyme pattern you've used there. When 'stars' completes the rhyme with 'mars', you sail on past the natural close that rhyme brings and you complete the line with an additional phrase. Awesome! I've tried to accomplish this a couple of times in my lyrics but I haven't yet been as successful as I'd like. This type of rhyming puts you in the company of people like Paul Simon and Neil Diamond (see the choruses from "Homeward Bound" and "Solitary Man" below).

Originally Posted By: Paul Simon

Homeward bound
I wish I was homeward bound
Home, where my thoughts escapin'
Home, where my music's playin'
Home, where my love lies waitin' silently for me

Originally Posted By: Neil Diamond

Don't know that I will
But until I can find me
The girl who'll stay
And won't play games behind me
I'll be what I am
A solitary man, solitary man

It's good to see you back in the forum.

All the best,
Noel





Noel My friend thank you for having a listen too. Your abilty to analyse lyrics and the dedication you have given to songwriting always amazes me and then to give an example as in above shows yoru wide knowledge of music.

To be hones I though that the line "I wonder if theres life on Mars" was probably weakest line in song, I did try to think of something else but had to use it to link to amongst those stars conecept, but then you have gone and shown me the positive side of it, thank you

-----------------------------

Thanks to everyone for their kind comments, really appreciate all the pointers people gave me on how to improve. I know this song doesn't suit my voice but as Peter Gannon says I am having fun with band in a box.

Musiclover


Last edited by musiclover; 06/22/15 04:01 AM.
Musiclover

My music https://www.youtube.com/user/donegalprideofall

Windows 10 (64bit) M-Audio Fast Track Pro, Band in a Box 2025, Cubase 14, Cakewalk and far too many VST plugins that I probably don't need or will ever use smile