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Joined: Aug 2011
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 491 |
I posted a thread earlier this week about what people think of Taxi, the music service and what people think about "Taxi". What I am taking about there is this, This was the previous post and there is a lot of good comments and information on that post. Thanks to all who posted, and hopefully the thread will keep on going. Here is the link to this video Opinion From A Music Industry Professional
and you can find the original post that I posted Here
After watching this, I remembered that there is a flaw in the song that I wrote, I realized when I took a songwriting course. Coursera with Pat pattison, The free online course, I had realized the flaw back when I took the course, but had forgotten about it. So, I just remembered it when I seen the video by Then Watch this video with "John Berhaney". The flaw is, is that the course does not change, it is the same melody of my verses, so I was thinking about re-writing the course melody to make it more captivating and adding a strong hook to the song. Let me know what you think... Thanks in advance. I re-started a new thread because I didn't want anyone to miss the opportunity to tell me if you think that this song is worth a re-write or should I just leave this one alone, because it is a beautiful song the way it is. This song was re-written probably 10 times as it is, but one more re-write probably won't hurt it. Let me know what you all think... Bob
Music is an expression that is a universal language, Never criticize anybody to harshly. They need time to grow but when they do, they do. Always be kind in what you say and do because the man upstairs is watching.
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Yes. You should rewrite it if the melody is the same in the verse and the chorus.
Chords can be the same without any problem, but the chorus MUST have something different that any listener could easily identify.
The easiest way to do that is to change the chords in the chorus.
Typical R&R or country song for that matter is a 1...4...5 progression... that repeats several times...
So in the chorus.....simply start the chorus with the 4 chord. 4...5...1 and see what happens.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Expert
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Expert
Joined: Feb 2007
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Did you post a link to your song in question?
But the simple answer is the one you already know -- re-write it. If the chorus melody is the same as the verse melody, then you really just have a bunch of verses (to the listener's ear). It will get boring pretty quick.
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Yes, this is the song in question. Here is the link below https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyHBDjLk42QAnd I would like any input I can get on this.. Thanks...
Music is an expression that is a universal language, Never criticize anybody to harshly. They need time to grow but when they do, they do. Always be kind in what you say and do because the man upstairs is watching.
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Since you were satisfied and did not know there was anything wrong with your song until someone told you there was, I suggest writing a new song founded on what you learned from this song instead.
BIAB 2026:RB 2026, Latest builds: Dell Optiplex 7040 Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, Intel Core i7-6700 3.4GHz CPU and 16 GB Ram Memory.
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Since you were satisfied and did not know there was anything wrong with your song until someone told you there was, I suggest writing a new song founded on what you learned from this song instead. Agreed! If you were ok with it, others will be too. That doesn't mean you can't learn from it. That is what development is about. Pay attention, as you have been, and keep implementing what you learn. Just never quit! 
Chad (Hope that makes it easier)
TEMPO TANTRUM: What a lead singer has when they can't stay in time.
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I don't write songs, so far I haven't found the talent in finding new melodies. But I listened to your song with as little "prejudice" as possible after reading the two threads. My opinion:
This is just a song floating in the sea of songs supporting all the other more interesting songs. What I missed was a change of pace in the chorus or a key change for the solo or any other change to break that certain monotony for me as a listener. (I'm not talking about the verbal message -- in the right context these are wonderful lyrics.) I listened to the song as if it was an instrumental. For me it was hard to not jump to the end to possibly find a key or tempo or mood change.
(One of the reasons it was hard for me to listen to is the high pitch that sounded not like a voice in ease, but that is performance and not quality of the song. But: If you had started a little lower, you could have changed to a higher key towards the end -- maybe even twice.)
Still, you did more than what I can do at the moment. I, as a listener to music, didn't find anything wrong -- for me it was just not interesting enough to listen to the song more than two or three times. As I said, in the right context, a spiritual service around easter maybe, this makes a wonderful song with the melancholy mood.
Last edited by GHinCH; 09/10/15 09:56 PM.
Desktop; i7-2600k, 8 GB mem., Win 10 Pro, BIAB 2017; RB 2017 - latest build
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Journeyman
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Journeyman
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Now, this is the kind of feedback that I need. I thank you so much for your listening to my song and giving me the feedback that you have given me. This will only make future projects even better. As for the higher pitch of my vocal, I am very comfortable in that range, but this tells me that I may need to lower it a bit so that people can sing along, or get a very satisfied feeling from my song. This is such wonderful feedback that I now know that it does need some working over. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being honest. I love it when people are honest about constructive criticism. Thanks.... "Trapper"
Last edited by trapper456; 09/11/15 01:23 PM. Reason: Corrected a typo
Music is an expression that is a universal language, Never criticize anybody to harshly. They need time to grow but when they do, they do. Always be kind in what you say and do because the man upstairs is watching.
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FWIW, 99% of the verse melodies are the same note? It appears to my ears that you are singing the same note with all of the words?
A melody needs to flow and repeat, IMO. By repeat, I mean the NOTES from V1 V2 etc.
The lyrics are fine, just need some movement with the melody notes.
My 5 cents :-)
Trax
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