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Tommy,
Great stuff! I also loved the line:
"She took a little piece of who i am
On a bus back to Birmingham"
That's lyrical honey.
Lot of work in this one, and it shows.
Regards,
Bob
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I sure agree about the lyrics. They are really great. Janice's input was great, as usual.
I also liked some of the directions the song went in - melody wise.
And yes, 123, 123 was perfect for this song.
Nice
Thanks Trevor! These lyrics were in my throwaway pile and I brought them back with a rewrite. Sometimes it's good to get away from them for a while. And Janice is a real pro, she just naturally knows where to take it. All one take from her. She's great! Tom That was good! Great mix, great melody, great lyrics, great vocals, great backing vocals.
Sorry can't really offer any constructive criticism there has to be something to criticize.... Peter, Glad you liked it. Tom There are some cool things happening in this song!
I didn't expect the shift to the minor at the chorus - it was nice to be caught off guard. Your inner rhymes are nice, too.
Good work! David, Always glad to see you stop by. Thank You. Tom
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Hi Tom,
I especially like your production on this song...the waltz, the pedal, the placement of the bass at the beginning (was the bass played by you or realtracks), all the other instruments, the chords on the chorus, the fullness of the sound, your vocals and the phrase "a bus back to Birmingham". You are a gifted song writer and I enjoyed the whole song.
A great song!
Sonny Sonny, thanks for the wonderful comments. I don't take them lightly. The bass is a loop. Thanks, Tom Tom,
What a marvelous opening! The initial drum hits - and then a fiddle part that sounds like it was done just for this song! And perfect steel!
"The roots of her raisin run real deep" - Perfect opening line. Nice alliteration!
"Softly she said she fell out of love
Her heart beating. hollow sounds"
Ditto!
"Maybe she can start over again Back on familiar ground"
Songwriting! What a great choice of phrase!
"She took a little piece of who i am
On a bus back to Birmingham"
You said something to me about the lines that distinguish "real songwriters" (paraphrased)... This is one of those.
Top shelf writing. Top shelf production. Great mix
I'd love to hear more about those drums...????
Your vocals are becoming a signature.
That harmony could not be any tighter!
Stunning.
floyd
floyd, Just a super review. I couldn't have asked for anything more. The drums are 7 part multitrack. You can really do some sound shaping. In most cases Real Drums are fantastic. Most of the time you can EQ them enough to get there, but I realize there have been times where you have beefed up the snare and kick by adding samples. I find it hard to criticize anything about Biab, but these loops and multi tracks can be useful. Thanks again, Tom Hi Tommy,
what a beautiful song. Great lyrics, melody, vocals, backing vocals, arrangement and mix. Everything
is to the point.
A very enjoyable listen.
Guenter
Guenter, Thanks for coming by for a listen. I appreciate it. Tom
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Hi, Tom !
I may have passed any
of your recent songs but
to me this one sounded as
one of your best if not the best !!!
Enjoyed it truly much !
Cheers
Dani
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I knew that I was gonna love it as soon as I saw the words and I do, it might as well be a track on one of my favorite John Hiatt albums, it really hits home with me, this is what I aspire to, I set out to try to write great stories like this, so well done.
Kenny Kenny, Coming from a fine songwriter as yourself, these comments hold a special meaning. Thank You, Tom
no words for this song
Everything's beautiful.
Great song.
Sergio
Thanks Serg, Tom Tommy,
Very well crafted song. The mix is really crisp. Nice job. Janice's BGV is superb!
SD SD, Thanks for coming by . I am glad you liked it. Tom
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Hey Tommy. You are the song writers song writer.
Wonderful tune. I particularly liked the bridge.
Rob
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Tom and Janice,
That is an amazing song. Everything about it is superb.
thoroughly enjoyed
Alyn
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What's not to like? What's not to love?? This is wonderful!!! Great opening, great lyric, a pedal steel that cries perfectly underneath the vocal (which is stellar). The melody and lyric (last 2 lines) which close the chorus are absolutely perfect. It squeezes the emotion out of the lyric and resolves sweetly. This is certainly on my top 10 forum songs ever, accompanied by a few of your others. Awesome!! (a word which is overused but totally appropriate here). Take care. Greg Greg, Thanks for the Awesome review. Tom A true winner here on every level. You are making us all glad that you discovered loops. Your already high level of writing, mixing, performance and production zipped up a notch when all thought you were at the zenith.
This is a good country song, maybe even a template for what a great country song should be. If the likes of Florida-Georgia Line ever falter, your library of material will right there to take their place and restore real country music to its rightful place. Charlie, I don't know that Country radio will ever get back this way again, but I guess we can hope. Thanks for your continued support, Tom Really pretty country waltz Tommy and Janice! Tommy you are like well oiled writing machine.  Thanks Josie, Hopefully the machine won't wear out too quickly. Tom
Last edited by tommyad; 11/10/15 03:25 AM.
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Tom,
Because I love this song so much I am going to take you up on the suggestion offer:
I love the lines:
"She took a little piece of who I am
on a bus back to Birmingham..."
Incredibly strong hook. It is SUCH a great hook I think, that you might want to try and get to it sooner.
It is the thematic molten center of the song but it doesn't come in until 1:37.
It is such a classic chorus idea that you may want to try and get to it at 60 seconds or so after an intro and 8 bar verse. The Chorus Energy really comes in big time a :47 and you're kind of expecting it. Maybe you could move the "softly she said part..." to verse two and otherwise restructure the lyrics (all of which are great) to tightly surround the "took away a piece of me" Chorus? That is hot dang chorus and I think the whole song should revolve around it and support it. Form: Intro, ABAB, Bridge, B, Outro.
I am only one person but I think this could be a true country classic, the "Birmingham" Chorus is that strong. Also you may trying squeezing in "took a little piece of me away" to emphasize the taking away aspect--it is gone, she took it, you no longer have it.
Also, the theme and imagery on this one are so strong, you could do it as a hard rock style with slamming acoustics and do a whole 'nother take on "Took away a piece of who I am, back home on a bus to Birmingham." I can totally hear it has a highly driven rock country song with that chorus. Radio ready man.
Well, those are my thoughts and I am only giving them because this one really got me by the ears. Love it. Great job.
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In the voice of Han Solo, 'I'm out of it for a little while and everyone's waltzing!'
Beautiful song, beautiful vocals, and a professional production, of course, as usual.
I'm not sure of the chord progression in that chorus, but it'll grab 'ya!
Yeah, my wife gets to hear all of my songs and mixes too...ad nauseam. God bless 'em:)
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Tommy,
Great stuff! I also loved the line:
"She took a little piece of who i am
On a bus back to Birmingham"
That's lyrical honey.
Lot of work in this one, and it shows.
Regards,
Bob Thanks Bob, The extra work was worth it. Tom Hi, Tom !
I may have passed any
of your recent songs but
to me this one sounded as
one of your best if not the best !!!
Enjoyed it truly much !
Cheers
Dani Dani, so glad to see you back, Thanks much, Tom Hey Tommy. You are the song writers song writer.
Wonderful tune. I particularly liked the bridge.
Rob
Rob, You don't know how much I appreciate hearing that. I'm humbled by your comment. Tom
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Hi Tommy and Janice ...
The only suggestion I have is: Keep doing great stuff like this!
Love the line "You can't leave behind where you've been. Also, simply love the arrangement, particularly on the chorus. And, as always, Janice's harmony is spot on. Great job by all concerned!
Alan
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Thank y'all for mentioning my vocal. It was a small part of a big song. Bud and I both loved this song from the moment we first heard it. Bud got to enjoy my waltzing around the house while I worked the part up.  Tom just sang the heck out of it and made it seem easy to fall into the harmony. Thanks for inviting me in! Janice Tom, this is yet another fine write and production. Your melding of RT's, loops, your playing and your vocals is something for many of us to aspire to. Well done!! Bud
Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more. If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks! Our Videos are here on our website.
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Tom and Janice,
That is an amazing song. Everything about it is superb.
thoroughly enjoyed
Alyn Thanks Gib. I appreciate it. Janice did a great job on the harmony. It really added to the song. Tom
Tom,
Because I love this song so much I am going to take you up on the suggestion offer:
I love the lines:
"She took a little piece of who I am
on a bus back to Birmingham..."
Incredibly strong hook. It is SUCH a great hook I think, that you might want to try and get to it sooner.
It is the thematic molten center of the song but it doesn't come in until 1:37.
It is such a classic chorus idea that you may want to try and get to it at 60 seconds or so after an intro and 8 bar verse. The Chorus Energy really comes in big time a :47 and you're kind of expecting it. Maybe you could move the "softly she said part..." to verse two and otherwise restructure the lyrics (all of which are great) to tightly surround the "took away a piece of me" Chorus? That is hot dang chorus and I think the whole song should revolve around it and support it. Form: Intro, ABAB, Bridge, B, Outro.
I am only one person but I think this could be a true country classic, the "Birmingham" Chorus is that strong. Also you may trying squeezing in "took a little piece of me away" to emphasize the taking away aspect--it is gone, she took it, you no longer have it.
Also, the theme and imagery on this one are so strong, you could do it as a hard rock style with slamming acoustics and do a whole 'nother take on "Took away a piece of who I am, back home on a bus to Birmingham." I can totally hear it has a highly driven rock country song with that chorus. Radio ready man.
Well, those are my thoughts and I am only giving them because this one really got me by the ears. Love it. Great job.
David, Thanks for the detailed critique. I appreciate that you have taken the time to point out your thoughts. Funny that you mentioned rock, because this is what these lyrics were originally set to. It wasn't working as planned so they hit the throwaway pile. After a rewrite they moved in a completely different direction. I will be thinking of implementing some of your suggestions in upcoming songs. I do thank you for thoughts. If i were to get into why I did what I did we would be here all night. More songs to write. Movin on down the road. See ya there, Tom In the voice of Han Solo, 'I'm out of it for a little while and everyone's waltzing!'
Beautiful song, beautiful vocals, and a professional production, of course, as usual.
I'm not sure of the chord progression in that chorus, but it'll grab 'ya!
Yeah, my wife gets to hear all of my songs and mixes too...ad nauseam. God bless 'em:) Scott, Thanks ( I think) That odd run up in the chorus is the type of progression that will grow on you. After repeated listens I decided it was the best part of the song. I could have played it safe, but I think it has a greater impact this way. Hope you can stick around. Tom
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Hi Tommy and Janice ...
The only suggestion I have is: Keep doing great stuff like this!
Love the line "You can't leave behind where you've been. Also, simply love the arrangement, particularly on the chorus. And, as always, Janice's harmony is spot on. Great job by all concerned!
Alan Alan, First of all I would like to wish you the best of health. I certainly hope you feel better and continue to carry on. Thanks for the nice comments. Tom Thank y'all for mentioning my vocal. It was a small part of a big song. Bud and I both loved this song from the moment we first heard it. Bud got to enjoy my waltzing around the house while I worked the part up. Tom just sang the heck out of it and made it seem easy to fall into the harmony. Thanks for inviting me in! Janice Tom, this is yet another fine write and production. Your melding of RT's, loops, your playing and your vocals is something for many of us to aspire to. Well done!! Bud J&B, Y'all are the best! Tom
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Scott, Thanks ( I think) That odd run up in the chorus is the type of progression that will grow on you. After repeated listens I decided it was the best part of the song. I could have played it safe, but I think it has a greater impact this way. Hope you can stick around. Tom Nothin' but praise there, Tom & Janice. I had Star Wars on the brain is all:)
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Thanks Scott, Good to see you back. Tom Scott, Thanks ( I think) That odd run up in the chorus is the type of progression that will grow on you. After repeated listens I decided it was the best part of the song. I could have played it safe, but I think it has a greater impact this way. Hope you can stick around. Tom Nothin' but praise there, Tom & Janice. I had Star Wars on the brain is all:) Scott, I am always glad to hear an honest opinion. It helps all of us get better. Tom
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Nothin' but praise there, Tom & Janice. I had Star Wars on the brain is all:)
Scott, I am always glad to hear an honest opinion. It helps all of us get better. Tom Well...my honest opinion is that I love that chord progression:) But, I didn't actually work it out on the guitar. That's what I meant by 'not being sure' which may have been a poor choice of words on my part.
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