Originally Posted By: gibson
Tom and Janice,

That is an amazing song. Everything about it is superb.

thoroughly enjoyed

Alyn
Thanks Gib. I appreciate it. Janice did a great job on the harmony. It really added to the song. Tom
Originally Posted By: David Snyder

Tom,

Because I love this song so much I am going to take you up on the suggestion offer:

I love the lines:

"She took a little piece of who I am
on a bus back to Birmingham..."

Incredibly strong hook. It is SUCH a great hook I think, that you might want to try and get to it sooner.

It is the thematic molten center of the song but it doesn't come in until 1:37.

It is such a classic chorus idea that you may want to try and get to it at 60 seconds or so after an intro and 8 bar verse. The Chorus Energy really comes in big time a :47 and you're kind of expecting it. Maybe you could move the "softly she said part..." to verse two and otherwise restructure the lyrics (all of which are great) to tightly surround the "took away a piece of me" Chorus? That is hot dang chorus and I think the whole song should revolve around it and support it. Form: Intro, ABAB, Bridge, B, Outro.

I am only one person but I think this could be a true country classic, the "Birmingham" Chorus is that strong. Also you may trying squeezing in "took a little piece of me away" to emphasize the taking away aspect--it is gone, she took it, you no longer have it.

Also, the theme and imagery on this one are so strong, you could do it as a hard rock style with slamming acoustics and do a whole 'nother take on "Took away a piece of who I am, back home on a bus to Birmingham." I can totally hear it has a highly driven rock country song with that chorus. Radio ready man.

Well, those are my thoughts and I am only giving them because this one really got me by the ears. Love it. Great job.

David, Thanks for the detailed critique. I appreciate that you have taken the time to point out your thoughts. Funny that you mentioned rock, because this is what these lyrics were originally set to. It wasn't working as planned so they hit the throwaway pile. After a rewrite they moved in a completely different direction. I will be thinking of implementing some of your suggestions in upcoming songs. I do thank you for thoughts. If i were to get into why I did what I did we would be here all night. More songs to write. Movin on down the road. See ya there, Tom
Originally Posted By: olemon
In the voice of Han Solo, 'I'm out of it for a little while and everyone's waltzing!'

Beautiful song, beautiful vocals, and a professional production, of course, as usual.

I'm not sure of the chord progression in that chorus, but it'll grab 'ya!


Yeah, my wife gets to hear all of my songs and mixes too...ad nauseam. God bless 'em:)
Scott, Thanks ( I think) That odd run up in the chorus is the type of progression that will grow on you. After repeated listens I decided it was the best part of the song. I could have played it safe, but I think it has a greater impact this way. Hope you can stick around. Tom