You're gettin' closer, David.

You (as the writer) decide when you are ready to move on.
I think you should keep at this. There are a lot of simple things you can do to make this tighter. And the overall idea of the song is a good one.

A number of the lines could be tightened up by dropping all the words you don't need - and it will make the song "sing better" (and easier).

The line "...guess it's just as well" feels like a throw away (both times around). It comes at a crucial point in the chorus. You should find something stronger there.

I like what you did in the bridge, but I think it could be cut in half and still say the same thing. I'd cut the middle 4 lines (and leave the philosophy to the listener's imagination).

I only say these type things to you because I know you are willing to look at such things in the light they are given...

floyd

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