Wayne,
a great start that you managed to get something up.
I like the narrative and the colour of your voice.
There are, to my ear, some phrasing issues with your singing.
Places where pauses, sustains and so forth would make your lyrics and melody fit the backing a little more to get the best from the qualities you offer.
The backing seems to have an ebb n flow , swell and reduce feeling as instruments come in and out. You might get a more successful dynamic with a rethink/remix.
As I said - GREAT start and a very promising song.

Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe