Wait. No. In continuing this conversation with myself, I'd like to report that no, I didn't fix it! DARN! Turns out I turned off real drums "for this track only," and enabled MIDI drums. That *DID* fix it, but only using MIDI drums.
Oh well. MIDI drums fit this tune just fine, so while I wait for an answer/fix, I'll just use that.

IS ANYONE OUT THERE ABLE TO REPRODUCE THIS PROBLEM?!