I don't mind 'o' rhymes. I mean, Robert Burns got away with it.

Your voice is strong throughout.
Some small issues:
- To my ears the drums (especially the snare) lack some punch and some treble.
- The sax plays all the right notes, but it seems to come from a different room. Maybe you could pan it a bit more to the center, and add a db or so?
- Overall, I think the song would sound even better with less reverb.
Ah, my two cents... Nice work!
- Jepster