Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
Well.... I'll chime in on this with my favorite lyric.

This is my favorite lyric for a few reasons. Not my favorite song by any means but the way the lyrics seemed to flow...I think I wrote this in a few sessions but each session was smooth. I would write a verse with no effort and in no time at all.

Leave Our Country Alone

It's a political song but regardless of your views, read the lyrics from a writer's POV and listen to the song as well. I had a few people comment on the interesting rhymes and the way the words just seemed to fit together effortlessly.

Anyway, I like the way it turned out. My favorite part is after the solo to the end.



Howdy Herb,

Always a treat when you stop in.

You and I may view politics somewhat differently but that doesn't mean a thing when it comes to evaluating the merits of the musical composition.

I agree with the others who commented on your rhymes. Here's the verse that stuck most in my mind as I considered the lyrical construction:

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Stop the pipe line, don't pump the oil, be the left wing wacko foil
Build the car that no one wants to buy.
Subsidize your wealthy friends they all go bankrupt in the end
Regulate the rest so that no one tries.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

You things struck me immediately as I listened and read:

1. I love the internal rhymes. That always a huge plus with me. Good internal rhymes can make all the difference in a song, even beyond the lyric itself. Internal rhymes embellish the quality of the listen and, more importantly, put a punctuation mark on the rhythm and pace of the music. They add to the listeners' ability to sense a "feel" for the song, whether they realize it or not. I analogize to to a military march - "the Hup-two-three-four". The Although less accented, the "two-three-four" keep the "Hup" in time and allow it to establish cadence and impact more dramatically. The internal rhymes of the lyric mimic the job of the "two-three-four" in the cadence call. Love internal rhymes!

2. Your word choices for the rhymes. "Oil" and "foil" is the best example, I think. "Foil" is an unexpected word in most lyrics. Every time I run across a song with an unexpected word, particularly as an internal rhyme, I silently smile and think "Cool! This lyricist knows how to articulately create, not just make/force a rhyme". There is a difference!

The idea of any "message" song, political or otherwise, is to get your message across to the listener. You did a great job of that.

We may disagree with the message, but I cannot disagree with the talent you employed to create the message. And that's what songwriting is about - creating the story you want to tell in a way that it does just that in an inambiguous yet intererstingway. Nicely done, Herb! Thanks for your input!

Alan

Last edited by Al-David; 05/24/17 11:55 PM.
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