Originally Posted By: dcuny
Nice! I enjoyed the song and agree that it's a total class production.

That said, I can never resist a suggestion or two. wink

This lyric stuck out a bit:

You always help me out
And bring me liberty

The word "liberty" doesn't seem a good fit. For one, it doesn't match the informal language you've used up to that point. Second, it seems to me that bringing someone liberty is a bit more than "helping out".

The lyric:

I call upon your name

also moves from an informal familiarity to a very formal relationship, as opposed to:

I'm calling out your name

I'm not saying it's wrong, and certainly not saying my suggestion is better. I think I know why you wrote it like that - I just thought I'd be mention it. crazy

Finally - and a hesitate to say it, because I've got a pretty severe lateral "s" myself - there are some points where "there" comes out as "dare".

But... these are all tiny nits. It really is a total class production, and enjoyable to listen to.


Thanks a lot for your very valuable comment.

I have to rethink on how to write the first point you indicated. For the second point, I can replace it as per you suggestion. For the third, I have a mild lisp so there are some parts that I really have to re-take to correct it. smile As for the word "there", I haven't realize it until you pointed it out. Good observation. I'll be careful with that next time.

Once again, thank you so much!!!

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